well, this i know; mark loves me with all his soul.
i am a wounded warrior. my first marriage was a bust, and i have had other man mistakes in my life, so getting to a point of trust was a difficult one. when mark and i first were dating i would flinch if he moved too fast, and i would be scared out of my wits if i wasn't expecting him and he suddenly showed up in my field of vision.
five years into our marriage, and seven in our relationship, we went thru the chaos of my oldest son dying. mark was right there with me, but i needed more. he was having game nights and things were a mess so he quit them for me. that was a huge sacrifice for him, as that must have been his own life line. something that could get his mind off of the grief he couldn't fix.
mark has been the soul money maker in our large household and i honestly don't know how he made ends meet. he did though, or made it seem like he did. he never wanted me to worry, as that added stress to my already overworked immune system and illnesses.
i've been the sick one, the one in the hospital, at the doctors, having surgeries, and mark has been forever beside me, holding my hand, making sure i was as comfortable as i could be. even on good days he will tell me to take it easy and rest, knowing if i over-do it one day then the next will be trash.
this sweet, funny man treats me like a queen. he literally expects nothing from me except for me to love him, and even then he will say he's not worthy (which is bologna and i feel the opposite is true).
mark goes out of his way to be goofy to try to make my day a little brighter. he only wants to see me smile. he has supported my choices, no matter how odd they seemed. he has been with me thru thick and thin, sickness and health, with critters coming out of the woodwork at times, thru my heartache and losses, thru my anxieties and insecurities. thru all my drama moments. and he still loves me, fully.
even now, 23 years later, i still have my moments of doubt. but those moments are so backwards that even my brain realizes these are the fake thoughts of my anxieties. i know this truth; i am loved by this man. it's stronger than any love i could have imagined. and i can rest in this moment, knowing that all is fine. this moment is perfect. right here and now is perfect and i don't need to worry. i am safe.