checking in

I've not been active with the artwork lately.  just taking a little breather and dealing with a poor Lucy pup who went in for a teeth cleaning and came out ten teeth lighter!  we were all surprised that it needed to happen.  the vet saw one questionable tooth on examination, but when she went to work they were loose and needed to come out.

 her last 'toofie' photo

a bit numb, with no teeth to hold the tongue in

poor little girl

she was miserable that first day, as anyone would be, crying for 5 hours straight with no nap.  if she's anything like me, the pain meds made her dizzy when she closed her eyes.  every time she closed her eyes, she popped them open real quick.  she was also pretty mad at me and lay on the other side of the couch from me most of the time.  when sweetie got home, she was right at his side, soaking in his attention and actually cried tears, telling daddy all about how mean mommy was.  it's been 3 days and she's feeling much better, eating and active, even though I want her to go easy.  I'm also on the loved list again, which helps my mental state.  she has a follow up next week, and I know she will be relieved to be going home with nothing too horrible done to her!

on Saturdays this month sweetie and I have been checking in with my paintings at the library, to say hi to them and to check to see if I need to bring in more bios or business cards.  it's been nice to read the lovely comments in my guest book!

thanks for the comments!

we should be taking down my art on Tuesday this week, so if you want to see them in person, better get a move on!

hubby added a 24 pack of 3"x3" canvasses to an amazon order the other day as a surprise for me, and I've decided to challenge myself to paint them all in the month of march.

they're little, so I think I can do it!

I'll be checking in here and there as the month and challenge goes on.

until later,

Jenny 

thinking about the future (and painting progress)

since holding my slightly successful meet and greet on february 6th I've been re-evaluating what I want from my art.  what I want my future to look like and how I can get my hands on that future.

I was surprised to find myself unhappy that the event wasn't more successful.  I thought I'd be pleased that not many people showed up.  and, yes, part of me was happy about that.  since I have pretty crippling social anxiety it was a relief to have empty foot space in that room instead of an hour of wall to wall people.  but, I really want my art to be a beacon of light to others.  I want it to help people with fear, with depression, with hopelessness and sorrow.  I want people to look at my work and to feel happier or hopeful for doing so.  I want to share my light with the world, and in order for that to happen I must have a presence outside of my home.  my art must have a presence outside of my home.

bravery thru the fear...

but I might get hurt

mark and I have discussed my thoughts about shows and fairs.  I want to do them, for the sake of my art and for the people, but not for me.  my heart pounds with the thought.  and, I know, people have told me it's always scary to not know whats going to happen next and with time and experience doing the thing it will get easier.  but, let me tell you, I have been a person on this planet for 50 years now.  Christmases with my own family are hard for me, and I KNOW whats going to happen!  it's always the same, everyone has a good time, except I'm stuck with a stupid anxiety belly that is refusing to believe I won't die because 'people' are coming to the house.  these people I have born to the world and changed diapers. my anxieties are bad, and I'm not sure I can be ok with the stress of shows and fairs with my fibromyalgia and other health issues.  I'm still in a flare a week after my meet and greet.  last night I went to bed at 6:30.

if I was to do any more shows, and I think it is in my future (maybe), mark will have to play a huge roll in it.  he already is, but I fear that I will need more than what he can give me to ensure I don't break.  I don't know how other artists with this level of anxiety make it work, but I've thought about making mark 'cheat sheets' so he can do more of the talking about the art, while I sit in the car or something.

why does it need to be this difficult to be a success in the art world?  can't I just have my blog and fb be the only presence I have?  can't I just throw my art out into these shows and not be there?  why must I claim my mess to the world?  "hi, I'm Jenny- the Artist.  I am here but I'm dying because of it, thanks for looking at my art.  don't talk to me".

I'm going to do some research about where I might be able to show my work in some small-ish communities where I would be *comfortable going to, like Greenfield and Turners Falls, maybe Amherst since it's an artsy town.  meanwhile I'll try to not stress and continue just creating a nice body of work.

*not really

behold the drips!

until later,

Jenny

back to life!

now that I am able to wake in the mornings without worry of a looming meet and greet, I have been working on my lightworker painting.  we've had days of fighting each other and the process to a point where I've had to step back, but yesterday had a breakthrough.

 the first photo shows progress to the background made before the meet and greet;

concentrating on the glow from the orb to the background

below I start the skin tone, not pleased with how pale she is, as she needs to have a glow to her from the orb;

then she gets too jaundiced looking;

I start to get in the groove and throw in deep, rich colors;

I'm loving where she's going;

hubby was a dear and gave me a big amount to spend on paints.  I love the golden brand, especially the fluids in that brand.  they are the best quality I've seen, last forever, and I won't go back.  I love the creamy texture and the ability to layer the colors seeing as they are so transparent.  I ordered them the other day and today a big bulging box was delivered!

yum!

I'm waiting on two 8 oz bottles that were backordered, and they should be here in a couple of days.  

when hubby comes home to see me like this, 

he knows it's been a good day!

until later,

jenny

meet and greet!

*this first part was written the day of the meet and greet, as a way to unload some photos and some emotion

todays the day!  my first ever meet and greet for my first ever showing of my art in a public place.  pretty exciting stuff.  it's been a long, nerve wracking 10 months to get to this place; making sure the paintings were presentable, doing touch ups, varnishing and wiring them to hang, creating new paintings along the way.  I put a lot of pressure on myself to create at least one worthy painting each month, from march until september, to supplement the paintings I already had on hand.  then I could choose only the best to show.    we set up 5 days ago.

pups overlook the guest book and business cards as you walk in

in all I have 19 paintings up on the walls, and 22 mini paintings plus one slightly larger one in a display case.  all the paintings in the display case are for sale, the minis for $15 a piece, and the larger one is about double that.  of the 19 paintings on the wall, I have 9 that are for sale at a huge discount, and have already sold one painting and 8 minis.  hopefully this is a good sign that this month long showing will be a hit with people.  even if they don't purchase an original, they could order fun things from my store.

my minis on display with The Seeker watching over them

my mom and aunt came to help unload the paintings from our cars and do whatever they could to help as we set up.  they were a big help, and momma offered up advice when I got stuck here and there.

the room as you walk in

mark and i checked in on Saturday as we had more painting bios/price list copies to put out, and I saw that I already had a sweet comment in my guestbook.  what a nice surprise!

they sure look good displayed in such a way!

sweetie was awesome, as usual

so proud and excited

I'm not too anxious right now.  I suppose it doesn't seem real, after all the build up, that the day is actually here.  or maybe I don't believe that many people I don't know will show up.  I'm trusting right now that I will be surrounded with loving friends and family who support my artwork fully and only wish the best for me.  and a few curious folk who will soon learn to love me and my work.

on to this evenings event!!!

I clean up good when I have to

I dressed up neat and pretty, had styling gel in my hair, earrings in my ears, and looked "with it".  it was a nice turn out even though I heard that while the library had given the information to the local newspaper it hadn't been published before the event.  bummer that I don't have that clipping to save, but I'm not sure I would have done too well with more people milling around.  mark guessed there were around 20 people total during that hour, including my momma, aunt and son.  that was plenty people-y for me!

before things got underway,

the Artist, hiding in the corner

since I am the photographer of the family, I didn't get many photos of people milling around either, sorry.  it's hard to socialize, be the person in the spotlight, and be behind the camera.  oh well.  mark was doing a FABULOUS job talking my art up to everyone, handing out our print outs that explain each painting, and being the butterfly that he is.  he's such a wonderful support to me and my work!  we'll just have to find someone to hang around and take photos next time.

still in a corner, but being social

the food spread was wonderful, thanks to my momma.  since we didn't know how many would turn out, she made an overabundance, but it was a hit as well.

many artist folk came by and chatted it up with me, and that was nice and helped me get out of my anxious brain and into my art brain.  there were lots of smiles and complements.  at the end was my favorite part, when someone who works at the library (so bad with names normally, but too many were thrown at me yesterday) started chatting to me about my Frida painting, "still she smiled".  she asked me if I painted Frida from one of her paintings or a photo of her.  great question, and verified to me that my Frida was well recognizable.  and the answer to her question; I painted with a photo as the reference.  she also asked if I paint the backgrounds with the subject in mind or if the subject comes after.  and the answer to that is; both.  I'm pretty sure that my Frida background was painted especially for her, and I was so scared to start painting her portrait on the background, since I loved the energy of it and wasn't sure I could do it justice.

all in all it was a nice event, everyone was great to me, there were no critics in the room, I only put my foot in my mouth once, and was highly uncomfortable the whole time.

my son jeroth came to the house for a little while after the event, and my other son from California called to say congrats and chat a little while.  I donned my pj's and took my meds and crashed!  the stress landed hard, starting at the end of the night while helping to clean.  the headache started, the body started cramping up, the belly started to roll, and the brain had to digest it all, pick over everything I said and did to make sure I didn't make too many mistakes.  the night was spent on the couch with kitty, knowing I needed the sound of tv to counter my brain, and I could toss and turn without disturbing my sweet man.

I'm glad I did it.

I'm glad it's over.

I may decide to do it again.

until later,
Jenny