end of the year 2015!

happy christmas to you and yours, from me and my crew!

we recreated a photo of our family taken about 22 years before.  this one is without my son, winter-orion, but includes my grandtwin hearts.

my life has been busy with painting my mini ornaments as gifts and for purchase, shopping for the loved ones and falling ill with a strange tummy and chest bug right before christmas.

a few months ago I signed up for Life Book 2016 with Tam Laporte, and it is coming closer to the day when this year long class starts.  so exciting!  i happened to look up from my life and realized I had joined a couple of free classes that are many days long as well.  i’m very excited to have some sense of schedule to my life, and i’m sure these classes will force me to do daily work just to stay organized and on track with my plans for the year.  but if i am to be honest with you, i am feeling a strange resistance from the free classes.  like they are a chore my mother wants me to do, or some homework.  i am procrastinating watching the classes, and the one class i tried to watch i had a hard time following the speaker before she got into the art portion.  part of my A.D.D., i suppose, and nothing to do with the class!  i know these two classes will not be available to me for much longer, so i must get my shit together and do what i can to stay focused.  i know they will help my life in the long run, as they are more of a journaling your years' goals type class.

in preparation for Life Book, i have been organizing my studio space as much as i can.  finding spots for my new supplies and tools.  one of my sons gave me a heat gun for christmas, so a big yay for less drying time!  my daughter gave me a gift card to michaels, and i loaded up on decorative papers and washi tapes in yummy colors.  i’ve been labeling my storage spaces and trying to find convenient spots for things i think i may go to the most.  the photo below is during my time going thru my ephemera, organizing the old letters and book pages into different drawers and separating tiny pieces from big papers.

 hurricane jenny strikes the studio!

i’m excited to concentrate on my art and business this year and can tell things are getting pretty fluid in my life.  my art is coming along nicely, i'm finding my own style; the blog is plugging away and i know i will be getting more confident in the how-tos’ of blogging; my learning will greatly increase in all areas of my life; my society6 shop will grow and i will get sales from my new heavenspirit creations facebook page which will be another project in the near future; my finances will increase and i will be able to get what i need when i need or want it.  the upcoming year will be one for the books, for sure!

a gift from son #2, i know this book will help me in the coming year!

until later,

jenny

christmas is in the studio

i can't post many photos, as some are a secret, but i've been creating like a little elf the past week or so.  earlier i picked up some mini canvasses on a whim, and after working on one decided it's a perfect size for gifts or inexpensive artworks that people would love to hang in their rooms or on their trees!

i'm doing some assembly line arting with the backgrounds since we bought quite a few, and then got down to actual sketching of what i thought my people would like.

here are some photos that i am able to share without outing any secrets

my childhood home

itty bitties

after the new year, after the crazies have dispersed somewhat, i will be putting a lot of effort into these tiny treasures!  i have brainstormed subjects i can paint on these guys for the interest of many people.  i have ideas, folks, i have ideas!  

the ones above are not in their finished state, they will have ribbon for hanging.

i am pretty excited about these babies, and i think others will love them as an inexpensive way to get art into their home!

until later,

jenny

feather #1 is home! and updates

we brought my painting, feather #1, to it's new home the other day.  i'm happy that its new home is also my mothers home, so i can have visitation rights whenever i wish.  it really looks peaceful in her space, and i know it's a perfect match.

i, however am going thru this emotional mud.  it's a difficult thing, slogging your way around, trying to be this adult type creature when all you want to do is sulk and cry and throw things.  my ideal life is to be this creative vixen with love bubbles in her eyes at all the stuff that life throws at me.  i would not stress about anything, as everything would be a learning point and i would easily see it as truth.  my lessons would come quickly and i would be strong in my knowing who i am!  what others thought of me would be no issue with me, and i would easily forgive all transgressions.  i would be able to discuss all sorts of things with all sorts of people, and not just be with the dog at the party.

unfortunately this is not where i am at.  those love bubbles are more like snot bubbles as i fight my way thru this insanity i call my inner voice.  she is not comfortable with life yet.  it's a struggle.

and, as i struggle thru the emotional and physical pain of the changing seasons, my creativity starts to stagnate.  which is another trial...  am i ready?  am i a *real* artist who will only get better and better because she stops at nothing to create her style, her craft?

am i letting my depression get the better of me?  well, YES, cause depression lies!  thats its job!  and my job is to fight the good fight daily, doing what i am able to do to live as happy and 'normal' a life as i can possibly live.  (and, thank goddess i have SUCH a wonderful, understanding and supportive husband who lets me cry on him, lets me lean on him, and does nothing but praise my efforts at breathing).



i am slowly working on an older canvas, trying to work out the kinks, and i am liking it much better.

before

she was worked on thru the full moon of october and has some moon water infused in the paint for the moon.  i'm enjoying her more now that she is a moon goddess with wild hair and subtle wings.

i've signed up for LifeBook with Tam Laporte and company for 2016, and am excited to get started with that.  lots of great artist teachers that i admired before learning they were guest teaching, and some i had not heard of but have gone to their sites and am loving their art.  it will be a great year of learning with these artists, and i'm hoping it will give me a spark of life, get me moving.  in preparation for this class i have decided to re-commit myself to sketching each day (or a fair number of days a week).  yesterday was my first day, and i did a self portrait.  i'm not going to share this first one, sorry.  it is recognizable as me, sure, but it's not quite right.  i'm amazed i was able to capture my eyes, nose, mouth, chin!  it gives me some motivation to get even better, knowing i'm close to *it*.  

until later,

jenny

clarity. i think i have it. for today

i posted this on my personal Facebook page, and it stirred up some commotion from my friends.

"you know what??? i need to stop comparing myself to other artists, dammit! what i do is i create art FOR MYSELF, not for anyone else, not to make anyone but ME happy. i don't care if the world doesn't need my art; *I* need my art! i paint what i want to paint, how i want to paint it. it can be messy and imprecise, but thats how i do it. when i see others work, i start going "whats the use? i can never get that good". but, the truth of it is, i CAN become that good, with practice, if i choose to put in that dedication! i choose to listen to myself, my body, my intuition. i will not listen to others voices about what might help a composition or push my mojo, or about how i should practice blah hours a day. if i don't feel it, it won't help, it will become a chore. i don't have to be the next big thing. i don't have to make art that looks like whats in style now. but, i DO have to make art when my own muse tells me the stars are right. i am good enough as i am. yep."

i had SO MANY wonderful comments!  i posted this as a reminder to me to not get lost in the art of others.  i posted it so i would stop getting lost in the muck of 'not good enough' that i create.  and i post it here so it can be viewed by me at anytime (because things get lost in all the kitty memes i post, hahaha). i'm so glad i have such a wonderful support system in place so early on in my journey toward *whatever it is i am creating*.

and what i am hearing from my wonderful tribe is my art is good.  it is jenny, it is my heart and soul.  it IS enough, not just for me, but for others as well.  and i know they are not just saying these things because they are my fabulous tribe.  "they like me, they really like me".  

i emailed my mother a few weeks ago, and happened to include a photo of the peacock feather painting.  she fell in love with it and told me that she wanted to commission a painting in the same colors.  i know me, and i told her that i cannot do commissions but she can have the painting since she loves it so much, and that i should bring it over to her house to make sure it fits where she wants it to go and that the colors really do work for the space, since she only had seen it in the photo.  i put the frame that came with the canvas on it, and brought it over, and it is amazing in her space!

this is it still in my studio, with frame on

i had to bring it back home to do some touch ups , and will bring it back to her shortly, probably this weekend.  but, the thing is, i told her she could have it, and she insists on paying me for it.  she told me to think of a price and i told her i'm not ready to think about pricing it (especially since i told her she could have it, and she's my mother, you know?).  so she said she would price it for me.  so, this will be my first painting sold!  

my sister was texting me later that day, after bringing the painting home, and she told me that our mother is very excited to have this painting in her home and that she had told my sister in a very serious voice "it's VERY good".

part of my problem is i feel that to be truly working on your passion you must live and breathe it.  and, i do, in my own way.  but, i feel i should practice more.  i feel that i should paint more.  if i were really an artist.

but thats bullshit.  

just because frida could paint while in a full body cast does not mean that i have to paint when feeling like crap, if i don't want to.  if i'm not feeling my muse, what i paint will not be from my heart.

frida is a hard role model to have, sometimes.

until later,

jenny

new in my art journal(s)

i have three main journals i am working in right now.

here is whats new in my little vintage book i showed you a little bit ago;

then i have a spiral bound mixed media paper journal that i have been working in;

 this one dedicated to my daddy

made with some papers with his handwriting 

in her dress and stockings. 

it reflects missing winter as well, 

with the five flowers still in the ground, and one in hand. 

 

Full moon goddess creates her own magic

 made on my birthday

 know that when life is looking a little ugly, it's not the end of the story. 

life is a beautiful mess that you look back on with more clarity

a little traveling in the journal

my favorite to date!  autumn child

and my third journal is for an art witch group i'm in.  i'm using a vintage scrapbook for this one, and it's very special to me;

the first prompt had us include a poem.

thats it for now.

until later,

jenny

peacock feather canvas CPR

i've been in a funk lately with the change of seasons.  it always gets me around mid september.  and so i sat with this painting, waiting to love it, or for motivation or some kind of idea to hit me on what to do with it now.  i almost gave up on it, honestly.

i sat with this painting for almost a month!  and i started hating it.  with a passion.


today i decided to work with it a little and if i still hated it after this attempt at resuscitation, i would paint over it.

i chose some colors i love to tone down the background a little bit but still have some peaking out.  i didn't go with all the colors, just two, a teal and a bright green.

the two colors look good together, and eases the eye a little, instead of all the contrast competing for attention.  i kept going, and then decided a few spots wanted to stand out.

i'm loving this canvas now!  you still know the layers are there, can still see the drips and all the different colors, but it's not in your face.  except for those three spots i didn't cover with paint, which i LOVE.  i will need to re-paint the actual feather, to make it stand out again, cause i am not the most careful of painters...

but, i'm happier today.

until later,
jenny

peacock feather canvas

i started a large canvas several days ago.  i had no idea where it was going to go, as most paintings i do are based on what it feels like as i go.  i started with just colors and shapes, and then sprayed india inks on the still wet acrylics.  i love the look it gives.

then i started dripping watered down acrylics

and added more layers of drippage with india inks and then a white drippage layer with watered down acrylic

it then told me what it wanted to become, i did a quick sketch and it came to life this morning

not sure if this is the end result or not.  it may need a few more tweaks, but i will sit with it for a while.

update to add a small change to the canvas.  i surrounded the small circles with the dark blue

until later,

jenny

art journaling

i have this old lined journal that has been sitting since i bought it at the flea market this summer.

i don't know how old it is.  the writing inside looks old, but it has a magnetic enclosure hidden inside...

i thought it would make a very cute art journal for me.  the pages aren't so big that i could do spreads quickly even if i'm not feeling well, but there are many of them.

i decided to make it inspirational for me.  if i do any dark journaling, i hope it can be hidden within the layers.  sounds like me, actually.  i try to hide my darkness.  but i want this to be full of good quotes and such.

trust

it's a peaceful feeling to become unafraid of who you are

queen of my own story

not all who wander are lost

i find it interesting that i adore my first girl, and the rest just don't impress me.  there is something wonderful about girl number 1.  her expression and coloring are fantastic.  while i do not want to duplicate myself with the girls, i do want them to have the same wonderfulness.  why would my first, effortless attempt be the most perfect?  maybe to show me that i can do this, i do have talent?  and the next ones will make me understand that i still need to work?  not everything will be effortless?  i do like my other girls, but they don't have 'it' like girl number 1 does.

so, these girls are based on a class that i am SLOWLY working thru, by mindy lacefield, called "paint your story"  http://www.mindylacefieldart.com/ (i have yet to understand linking here, bare with me). i love her style of painting, but love other styles as well, so am trying it all until i find my own style.

until later,

jenny

cracking open, a canvas

well, my muse spoke with this canvas!  i had to blog twice in one day, because it came so clear what needed to happen with this one.  it blew me away.

this canvas was one i found for dirt cheap at the flea market, already painted, and only after i bought it did i notice it had a rip in it.  i was discouraged and it sat for a while.  it was taped on the other side so hadn't noticed at first.

today, after painting on it, layer after layer, the old tape wore off and exposed the bold gash.  again, i was discouraged.  especially after doing such a cool painting on it!

the rip is above the blue squares and right below the top left purple circle

as i relaxed it dawned on me that the layers i painted, the boxes and circles showing all the depth, was like the canvas was cracking open, and the rip also was a cracking open of the canvas.

i knew i needed to paint myself as a bereaved mother, cracking open, ripped apart, but gaining so much depth, so much wisdom, so much faith in something MORE.

i saw where her/my head needed to go.   a purple circle was in the perfect spot and had the right feel for how i wanted the head to be.  not too realistic.

i was scared to mess up, but i trusted it would be the painting it needed to be.  the symbology was already there.  symbols of my three biological kids, of my six kids altogether, of my five kids left, our eight family members before winter died...  it was all there.

i let go, and she poured out of the crack, the rip, the crevice.

the rip is in her chest/throat area

i may leave the rip as it is, or i may adhere a piece of cloth or canvas behind it to make sure it doesn't become more damaged.  it isn't finished still.  some finishing touches need to happen before i am completely satisfied she is whole in her own healing way.

i will update on this blog post when she is totally finished.

until later,

jenny