Thursday, October 29, 2015

clarity. i think i have it. for today

i posted this on my personal Facebook page, and it stirred up some commotion from my friends.

"you know what??? i need to stop comparing myself to other artists, dammit! what i do is i create art FOR MYSELF, not for anyone else, not to make anyone but ME happy. i don't care if the world doesn't need my art; *I* need my art! i paint what i want to paint, how i want to paint it. it can be messy and imprecise, but thats how i do it. when i see others work, i start going "whats the use? i can never get that good". but, the truth of it is, i CAN become that good, with practice, if i choose to put in that dedication! i choose to listen to myself, my body, my intuition. i will not listen to others voices about what might help a composition or push my mojo, or about how i should practice blah hours a day. if i don't feel it, it won't help, it will become a chore. i don't have to be the next big thing. i don't have to make art that looks like whats in style now. but, i DO have to make art when my own muse tells me the stars are right. i am good enough as i am. yep."

i had SO MANY wonderful comments!  i posted this as a reminder to me to not get lost in the art of others.  i posted it so i would stop getting lost in the muck of 'not good enough' that i create.  and i post it here so it can be viewed by me at anytime (because things get lost in all the kitty memes i post, hahaha). i'm so glad i have such a wonderful support system in place so early on in my journey toward *whatever it is i am creating*.

and what i am hearing from my wonderful tribe is my art is good.  it is jenny, it is my heart and soul.  it IS enough, not just for me, but for others as well.  and i know they are not just saying these things because they are my fabulous tribe.  "they like me, they really like me".  

i emailed my mother a few weeks ago, and happened to include a photo of the peacock feather painting.  she fell in love with it and told me that she wanted to commission a painting in the same colors.  i know me, and i told her that i cannot do commissions but she can have the painting since she loves it so much, and that i should bring it over to her house to make sure it fits where she wants it to go and that the colors really do work for the space, since she only had seen it in the photo.  i put the frame that came with the canvas on it, and brought it over, and it is amazing in her space!

this is it still in my studio, with frame on

i had to bring it back home to do some touch ups , and will bring it back to her shortly, probably this weekend.  but, the thing is, i told her she could have it, and she insists on paying me for it.  she told me to think of a price and i told her i'm not ready to think about pricing it (especially since i told her she could have it, and she's my mother, you know?).  so she said she would price it for me.  so, this will be my first painting sold!  

my sister was texting me later that day, after bringing the painting home, and she told me that our mother is very excited to have this painting in her home and that she had told my sister in a very serious voice "it's VERY good".

part of my problem is i feel that to be truly working on your passion you must live and breathe it.  and, i do, in my own way.  but, i feel i should practice more.  i feel that i should paint more.  if i were really an artist.

but thats bullshit.  

just because frida could paint while in a full body cast does not mean that i have to paint when feeling like crap, if i don't want to.  if i'm not feeling my muse, what i paint will not be from my heart.

frida is a hard role model to have, sometimes.

until later,

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