Tuesday, November 17, 2015

feather #1 is home! and updates

we brought my painting, feather #1, to it's new home the other day.  i'm happy that its new home is also my mothers home, so i can have visitation rights whenever i wish.  it really looks peaceful in her space, and i know it's a perfect match.

i, however am going thru this emotional mud.  it's a difficult thing, slogging your way around, trying to be this adult type creature when all you want to do is sulk and cry and throw things.  my ideal life is to be this creative vixen with love bubbles in her eyes at all the stuff that life throws at me.  i would not stress about anything, as everything would be a learning point and i would easily see it as truth.  my lessons would come quickly and i would be strong in my knowing who i am!  what others thought of me would be no issue with me, and i would easily forgive all transgressions.  i would be able to discuss all sorts of things with all sorts of people, and not just be with the dog at the party.

unfortunately this is not where i am at.  those love bubbles are more like snot bubbles as i fight my way thru this insanity i call my inner voice.  she is not comfortable with life yet.  it's a struggle.

and, as i struggle thru the emotional and physical pain of the changing seasons, my creativity starts to stagnate.  which is another trial...  am i ready?  am i a *real* artist who will only get better and better because she stops at nothing to create her style, her craft?

am i letting my depression get the better of me?  well, YES, cause depression lies!  thats its job!  and my job is to fight the good fight daily, doing what i am able to do to live as happy and 'normal' a life as i can possibly live.  (and, thank goddess i have SUCH a wonderful, understanding and supportive husband who lets me cry on him, lets me lean on him, and does nothing but praise my efforts at breathing).

i am slowly working on an older canvas, trying to work out the kinks, and i am liking it much better.


she was worked on thru the full moon of october and has some moon water infused in the paint for the moon.  i'm enjoying her more now that she is a moon goddess with wild hair and subtle wings.

i've signed up for LifeBook with Tam Laporte and company for 2016, and am excited to get started with that.  lots of great artist teachers that i admired before learning they were guest teaching, and some i had not heard of but have gone to their sites and am loving their art.  it will be a great year of learning with these artists, and i'm hoping it will give me a spark of life, get me moving.  in preparation for this class i have decided to re-commit myself to sketching each day (or a fair number of days a week).  yesterday was my first day, and i did a self portrait.  i'm not going to share this first one, sorry.  it is recognizable as me, sure, but it's not quite right.  i'm amazed i was able to capture my eyes, nose, mouth, chin!  it gives me some motivation to get even better, knowing i'm close to *it*.  

until later,

No comments:

Post a Comment