"a sower of seeds" canvas finished

 my canvas from yesterday needed some tending this morning through journalling and mark making, so out the supplies came again.

here she is in all her glory

the journalling beneath the 'seedlings' I added says;

I plant seeds 

of love and service

to the earth.

I share with others 

my bounty,

and this bounty 

ripples outward

to 

help nourish

countless others

and some close-ups

she has a seedling on her third eye

in the horizon, on the mountain, you can see the stairway is leading us from the seedling in her hand to love.

this is an important painting, and I'm glad it chose to come through my hand.  I enjoyed the process of pouring love onto the canvas, and I hope it gives you as great a feeling as it does me.  

until later, 

Jenny

so much new merchandise up in the stores

 hi there!  hope todays a good day in your part of the world.  today has been busy in the garden and canning what came from the garden, and now with uploading my three newest paintings into my society6 and redbubble online shops.  what a busy one it's been so far!

here we have the weary lightworker on society6 as an art print;

 

and makes a great card

click the link above and then scroll down the page to find many more products for this painting!

and we now go to the same painting on my redbubble site;

heres the link to the art print if you scroll down, you will see "available on +69 products".  click on that, and it will show you all the products that painting is on, and you can click on the one you'd like to see.

they now have aprons which I now need to activate on all my other paintings!

but, how cool are they?!

and she is stunning on a mug!

imagine drinking coffee or tea as you contemplate the day with her

on to The Adjustment as an art print on society6;

I think she's really cool as a beach towel!

click the link above and then scroll down the page to find many more products for this painting!

and the same painting in redbubble

heres the link to the art print.  if you scroll down, you will see "available on +51 products".  click on that, and it will show you all the products that painting is on, and you can click on the one you'd like to see.

I love the look on all the clothes!

they have pins now, which, again, I must activate for my other paintings

and for the last of my newest paintings I have Sacred Teacher of the Land as an art print on society6

this is the framed mini art print

I had to paint her so it was difficult to place on merchandise.

oh well, I paint as I am called to, not thinking how they will look on a greeting card!

it makes a pretty pillow

and the notebooks are cool;

front

back

click the link above and then scroll down the page to find many more products for this painting!

and on to my redbubble site for Sacred Teacher of the Land

heres the art print link.  if you scroll down, you will see "available on +64 products".  click on that, and it will show you all the products that painting is on, and you can click on the one you'd like to see.

the iPhone wallet came out great!

and the backpack is kinda funky

I could go on and on about how beautiful these new paintings are on all the cool new merchendice they have up on the sites, but it's getting long enough.  time to just hit publish and let you browse to your hearts content.  may you find some peace in my paintings in these trying times.

until later,

Jenny

The Weary Lightworker, a new painting

I've been in a creative mood lately it seems, which fits me fine!  a bit of dabbling in paint after a bit of dabbling in the garden has been very soothing lately.  my soul needs a break from all the heavy stuff, and this painting is a reflection of that.

per usual, I started with a pose I liked via unsplash.com and used it for body position and shadow reference.  I was also inspired by a class by Lucy Cooke in Lets Face It 2020 where she created a "Modern Matisse".  I knew I wanted to try my hand at a bit more pattern, more background to my painting, but I wanted it also in a style more my own.

this was the pose I was drawn to for this class.

(forgive the placement issue, blogger has changed the format and I'm not used to it yet.  not sure it will do everything I wish it to)

I sketched out the pose;

added some bold color;

then I found a painting by Matisse that felt good to me and found some colors

then to start painting!

and at this point, and for the rest of the painting I wondered "what have I done!?"

The Weary Lightworker 

8/6/2020 Jenny gabrenas
her crown is askew as she takes a rest. she reflects on how to continue her work, as she loves this world so deeply.

I fiddled way too much with the feet/legs that aren't even close to the center of attention.  everything else seemed ok, but those non-important (and off the canvas of the original photo) feet really threw me for a loop.  I finally am to the point of aquiescense with the appendages, and might be finished with the effort of fiddling with such unimportant details.   the problem is they are all I see right now.  

so, I now turn my attention to the things I like about this painting;

I adore the message.  she is me.  I love the world and it's inhabitants.  I wish to help spread the light to all souls in order to help rise above the chaos, but I am so very weary.  I will take my time to rest when I am overwhelmed by things, adjust my crown and get back to it.  

I love her sweet little face and her crooked crown, symbolizing my humanness.  my faults that are present because I am here on earth and have forgotten what my spirit knows.

I love the textures in the background and the pink peeking through.  I love the white and pink chair.  I love the folds in her clothes.  I love her hair.

so, there are many aspects of this work that I really can appreciate, so I will keep my focus on those.  and, thats exactly how I can keep my calm during my difficult times.  I will focus on the good.  what do I like?  what is good here, now?  where is the pretty color, where is my joy?

I hope this painting gives you some joy, something to focus on, something that can inspire you to rest, take a breath and adjust your own crown.

until later,

Jenny

thinking about the future (and painting progress)

since holding my slightly successful meet and greet on february 6th I've been re-evaluating what I want from my art.  what I want my future to look like and how I can get my hands on that future.

I was surprised to find myself unhappy that the event wasn't more successful.  I thought I'd be pleased that not many people showed up.  and, yes, part of me was happy about that.  since I have pretty crippling social anxiety it was a relief to have empty foot space in that room instead of an hour of wall to wall people.  but, I really want my art to be a beacon of light to others.  I want it to help people with fear, with depression, with hopelessness and sorrow.  I want people to look at my work and to feel happier or hopeful for doing so.  I want to share my light with the world, and in order for that to happen I must have a presence outside of my home.  my art must have a presence outside of my home.

bravery thru the fear...

but I might get hurt

mark and I have discussed my thoughts about shows and fairs.  I want to do them, for the sake of my art and for the people, but not for me.  my heart pounds with the thought.  and, I know, people have told me it's always scary to not know whats going to happen next and with time and experience doing the thing it will get easier.  but, let me tell you, I have been a person on this planet for 50 years now.  Christmases with my own family are hard for me, and I KNOW whats going to happen!  it's always the same, everyone has a good time, except I'm stuck with a stupid anxiety belly that is refusing to believe I won't die because 'people' are coming to the house.  these people I have born to the world and changed diapers. my anxieties are bad, and I'm not sure I can be ok with the stress of shows and fairs with my fibromyalgia and other health issues.  I'm still in a flare a week after my meet and greet.  last night I went to bed at 6:30.

if I was to do any more shows, and I think it is in my future (maybe), mark will have to play a huge roll in it.  he already is, but I fear that I will need more than what he can give me to ensure I don't break.  I don't know how other artists with this level of anxiety make it work, but I've thought about making mark 'cheat sheets' so he can do more of the talking about the art, while I sit in the car or something.

why does it need to be this difficult to be a success in the art world?  can't I just have my blog and fb be the only presence I have?  can't I just throw my art out into these shows and not be there?  why must I claim my mess to the world?  "hi, I'm Jenny- the Artist.  I am here but I'm dying because of it, thanks for looking at my art.  don't talk to me".

I'm going to do some research about where I might be able to show my work in some small-ish communities where I would be *comfortable going to, like Greenfield and Turners Falls, maybe Amherst since it's an artsy town.  meanwhile I'll try to not stress and continue just creating a nice body of work.

*not really

behold the drips!

until later,

Jenny

back to life!

now that I am able to wake in the mornings without worry of a looming meet and greet, I have been working on my lightworker painting.  we've had days of fighting each other and the process to a point where I've had to step back, but yesterday had a breakthrough.

 the first photo shows progress to the background made before the meet and greet;

concentrating on the glow from the orb to the background

below I start the skin tone, not pleased with how pale she is, as she needs to have a glow to her from the orb;

then she gets too jaundiced looking;

I start to get in the groove and throw in deep, rich colors;

I'm loving where she's going;

hubby was a dear and gave me a big amount to spend on paints.  I love the golden brand, especially the fluids in that brand.  they are the best quality I've seen, last forever, and I won't go back.  I love the creamy texture and the ability to layer the colors seeing as they are so transparent.  I ordered them the other day and today a big bulging box was delivered!

yum!

I'm waiting on two 8 oz bottles that were backordered, and they should be here in a couple of days.  

when hubby comes home to see me like this, 

he knows it's been a good day!

until later,

jenny

progress is slow

i mentioned last time that i received a gigantic canvas for christmas this year.  the day after christmas i had to bail from a family gathering due to depression and anxiety and felt like the worst person on the planet for doing so.  the next day i started sketching what i hope to be a healing work for me.

she is incredibly sad and vulnerable but her light still has a glow to it.  she does not want the guilt and responsibility of 'living because others need her'.  she needs to find her own joy in living again.  she's tentative and protective of her flame, scared it will be snuffed out. she needs to keep herself and her little light safe but knows your own light, and the light of the world, shines brighter if you share your flame with others.  

on new years day our kids and grands came to play games instead of our annual movie marathon.  i just could not come up with movies i wanted to watch.  it needed to be lighthearted, thats all i knew.  in the end, i just decided on a game day.

here 'we' are playing our new game "labyrinth".  

i ended up just watching the game play that day

 my yearly january ritual of pulling a card for every month proved interesting and gave me some hope.  i need 2 more decks to bring my total to 12, one for each month!

i will read each months card reading on the first of each month for insight

i'm waiting for a shipment of some paint to be delivered to me, cause i don't have enough of the right colors to cover this whole canvas.  trying to be patient, here.  i had an idea about collage-ing the whole background full of this girls 'story' before painting the background, but i put a few pieces down and decided to collage only the orb she carries and just a few odd papers here and there on the background.

as i collaged the papers in the orb, parts of it became sort of a conversation between winter-orion and myself... my grief speaking and winter speaking to my grief.  it was pretty cool and felt good.

this is the soul, the part of you that makes you, you.  

your memories and thoughts, the important parts of life

now i am thinking about how it will all play out, how i want it to be, how i can try to get the effects i would like to see, tossing things out there in my head and hoping it comes out ok in the end.  it's all an experiment.  the work of painting sometimes happens well before paint even enters the studio.

speaking of the studio...  it is wicked cold here in massachusetts and set to be even colder this weekend, wind-chills said to get down to -35 degrees F.  i've been turning on the heater down there in order to piddle around, and one night forgot to turn it off until the next evening.  when i went to turn it off, it hadn't gotten above 44 degrees!  i won't be painting down there anytime soon.  right now i'm set up in our sitting room, and plan on just being as tidy as i can with the drips.  

as soon as my paint is delivered.

until later,

jenny

getting out of my head

i've been taking a breather.  or, rather, trying to breathe.  as i've mentioned, it's a rough time in my head usually starting in september, so i'm in the process of going thru the motions of living.  i don't do prescription meds.  i've gone that route and they don't help me and the side effects i have make matters worse.  believe me, i wish they worked, i'd love to not feel this.  i should have a therapist, but... don't.  i've gone that route, too, and while it's nice to have someone to bounce ideas off of and have an outsiders opinion about how i self sabotage and how i can come up with better solutions, it gets costly, it gets repetitive, and i don't wanna.

during my little break from this 'daily' blog challenge, i have been taking walks with the pup, netflix binging, and varnishing a few paintings for my show, which really needed to be a priority.  i'm just about done with varnishing my completed paintings, and then priority will be on wiring them for hanging.  i think i will try to tie mark up with that task on sunday if he will sit still long enough for that.

i've been feeling like such a drain on him these last few weeks.  very needy and want-y and if i told him all the things my brain thinks and feels i fear he would go running far, far away.  he knows most of it, as i'm pretty open with my fears.  they've taken over my dreams and created a monster at times.

part of this is left overs from my previous relationship, where he would go off and do 'his thing' while i was home with the kids, barefoot and pregnant.  i have abandonment issues, serious ones.  but, i don't want to be that person anymore.  i want my man to be happy!  he works so hard and deserves his down time.

anyway, i finally got a glimpse of interest in creating when my latest class in lets face it with kara bullock came into my inbox.  this class got my muse excited again, and i went to my trusty unsplash account to find inspiration for a new painting.  i found a photo of a girl that spoke to me and that has hands and glasses like in karas class.  i had ideas for it, and incorporated other elements for some healing to come thru the painting.

the painting is to be called "focus on the light" and will have elements of light and a bird with emotional healing as its spiritual meaning.

in my sketchbook

preliminary sketch on the canvas

i'll be working on this in the next few days as i follow my muse, body and mind.  i'm glad for these classes, as usually if i'm in a dark frame of mind but the body is feeling ok, i can just watch a video and the muse will get the itch to slap some paint around.  i can watch for 10 minutes and then go into the studio and play.  unless i'm painting something very detailed that needs a brain, i can change my mood for a while.  beginning paintings is always fun.  backgrounds are great.

this painting is rare for me in that i have most of it already thought of before putting paint on canvas.  usually they evolve while painting.  guess i needed the symbolism of light at this moment.

until later,
jenny