hubby is a riot, and i love him forever. after he came home last night to me having a full panic attack, we have been going back and forth with how to phrase this paper to highlight the meet and greet. he wants it to be specific to, you know, interacting with the artist. i want less of that.
sweetie and i will be setting up at the library on thursday morning, and then...
i've asked mark to change the wording to "please do not engage the artist", but he's not going for it. hehehe. we may change some of the wording, or not. this will be placed in the lobby to encourage patrons of the library to come into the room. mark wanted the photo to be large so people knew who to look for as the Artist. sigh. this is so not in my comfort zone, and that hour will be a long and exhausting one for this anxiety ridden social phobic artist.
i'm just about finished with my to do list, that suddenly got a little bigger and stressful a few days ago due to an artist error made to the paintings. i thought i had ruined them, but hubby saved the day, calmed my brain, and all is well in my world again.
i've decided to have a sale with a huge discount on the paintings i'm willing to let go, as i am needing more wall space and room to put new creations up. a stagnant home is not a happy one for artists and their work. creativity needs to flow in and out! the sale will be for february and march only. i've told the kids to speak up if they want a particular painting to stay in the family.
it will be nice to be set up in the library after a 10 month build up of lists and stress and anxiety and 'is it good enough-itis'. february will be a month of self care and reflection and being able to not worry for a second. i know i will be able to make something up to worry about, but it won't be pressing. i just don't think shows and fairs are the right thing for me. not sure how i, as an artist, will be able to get my work out to people if i'm not able to show it, but i'm not going to think about that- or anything- right now!
as of right now, what needs to happen is;
i need to re-wire my huge elephant painting.
we need to print out the painting bios for people to look at that tell the story behind each painting and their price.
set up on thursday morning(feb 1st) with 19 paintings and 22 minis in the library display case.
tuesday (feb 6th), before the meet and greet, get there early to help my mom set up food (thanks momma).
don't throw up.
i have a shipment of a paint color i need for the skin tone for my huge lightworker canvas and it should be here by the end of the week. hopefully it is so i can start work on the girl over the weekend and try to keep my mind busy instead of freaking out about having to talk to people. i've had someone surprise-ask me about my paintings before. a friend of my mothers is also an artist and we were chatting. then the conversation went something like this; her- so, what kind of paintings do you do? me- uh... um... nuts, i dont have my phone with me (thinking i could just show her) her- oh, thats ok (and then changes the subject)
yeah, i'm not very articulate in the flesh. it takes me a while to formulate coherent sounding words and sentences. you would think it would be easy for me to talk about my art. it's what i do; i know the materials i use, i know i sometimes paint intuitively and sometimes have an idea formed before starting, but being able to form these words immediately after the question is asked is pretty difficult for me!
so, say a little prayer that the time goes quickly for me and i don't fumble over my words and stumble over my feet too often. that people are friendly souls who are curious about my work, and not out to make me look foolish or criticize me in any way. and that i find something comfortable to wear. cause thats key. if i'm not comfortable in my skin that night, it's not gonna be pretty in my head!
thanks, guys, for hanging in there with me! hopefully i'll get back to the good, painty stuff real soon!
she hasn't gotten a name yet, but i have ideas for a lightworker series, so i'm just going with that name as a placeholder for now.
yesterday i worked on her for a while. i have a vision of her holding her light against the darkness that threatens her joy on a daily basis. both hubby and son, at different times stated "this is going to be a dark painting". yes. it must be. but, there is hope in her darkness.
onto the photos.
after protecting her eyes, which i hope to keep un touched save for the underpainting which is in these photos, i took a deep breath and dove in. i gave the whole canvas a wash of color. burnt sienna, raw umber and quinacridone nickel azo gold, layered and dried between colors.
i sprayed as i went for my drippy look.
not caring where the drips go.
she may be crying in the end, or not, who knows
after giving it a wash of quin nickel azo gold
and then a big leap of faith and a huge breath...
yep, it's gonna be dark
still working on the background, and then i'll be working on adding some soul to this beautiful girl. excited to bring her to life!
you guys! i actually completed a class*! in a timely manner, even!
*and by 'complete' i mean i could fiddle some more, and i could decide to do a more polished background, but the technical work has been finished!
this was the first weeks class in let's face it, taught by kara bullock herself, and it was dedicated to the master artist piero della francesca. kara did a painting by piero in her own style, and i took another painting from him and tried to do it more my style with his style and kara's style together. my style wasn't as prominent, because i'm trying to learn from others, but i certainly let my muse speak. like, when it came across that i was doing a chinese madonna, instead of more piero's style, i let her come. i didn't want to change her, because, honestly, i loved where she was going and wanted more of it! i try to listen to my muse.
this was the painting i was referencing;
this was my underpainting on top of the sketch. getting placement of shadows where they needed to be. looked ok here. kind of close to what i saw.
and then i started mixing paint. guys, paint mixing is HARD!
between the paint color and how her face morphed, i just couldn't fight the muse. i went with it.
and, i'm loving her.
my goals for this piece were;
to get the pose close to what he painted. (check)
to include hands. (check)
to finish it. (pretty close to 'finished' for me, as i like a rough background anyways. it tells a story)
to get piero's bright blues and reds that he uses. (check)
to incorporate some gold paint. (shiny=check)
to be able to make the fabric look like it's fabric. (i think i did ok)
a few days back i did my big tarot draw for insight into the coming year. as always i burned some sage, lit a candle and went inward, into spirit. i currently have 10 decks that i use for these big draws, and i intuitively chose one deck for each month. i wrote the meaning for each card in the journal i have just for my tarot use, so i can go back to see if i need to heed any warnings or just to get a heads up which is always nice.
unless specifically stated otherwise,
i took the words for each card directly from the authors book that came with the decks in question. i did not write the descriptions, they are not my words.
when spring awakens the world, joy and excitement can be felt all around and in your very core. blossoms burst from the trees overnight, birds return home and sing their glorious song, and nature is full of promise. miracles beckon to all of us. this is one of those times in your life when new ideas inspire you and new opportunities bring you hope for seeing your dreams come true. all is well in your world, and you have the energy you need to feel renewed. allow your heart to fill with enthusiasm. let your light shine, for this is a time of good fortune.
april- i drew from my old morgan greer (i think) tarot deck
not a single human figure appears in the 8 of rods- these wands fly through the air all by themselves. if you look at the direction, they are pointed toward the earth, a sign that something is about to come to a successful conclusion. something is moving along with great speed. this is a great card to see if you are planning on moving or taking a trip. it is also sometimes associated with important messages. all systems go!
three sweet gifts of heaven will fall like sweet chestnuts. life will be bright and social like the trees glossy, sharp pointed leaves. the deep spiral furrows in the grey bark symbolizes interaction and growth. a new romance or social activity may happen through three friends, just as the female flowers sit in threes in a little cup. like the sweet chestnut, life may flower in june and bear fruit in october. when the pale green male catkins fertilize the flowers, the cup becomes a spiky shell encasing three nuts until fall when they escape. each nut encapsulates knowledge, predicting a phase of learning for you.
in your heart a desire for union grows, an impulse to move deeper into loves embrace. as you open your heart, i pour forth my healing balm and my blessing. it is never too late for love. it is never too late for joy. it is never too late for connection. as my blessing vests in your heart, a path will open up for you, leading you into loves expansive landscape. you too shall be as enchanted in love as i am, cherished and adored, surrendered in love. love's blessing and presence finds you now. you are worthy of such blessing and shall be safe in the joy of it's embrace.
(this one i'm confused about, as i am fully engulfed in love. though it may be self love, self acceptance that i find)
july- i drew from lo scarabs universal tarotthat came in this set
temperance is the card of moderation and balance. the angel in the card transfers water from one cup to another, signifying healing. this action is also related to blending, as in testing things out to find the right mix.
going with the flow. finding the sweet spot. patience and calm. sobriety, emotional stability and spiritual growth. thats what temperance is all about.
august- i drew from the angel tarot by doreen virtue and radleigh valentine
knight of fire
a significant situation requires your immediate and full attention. while time is of the essence, it's important to avoid making rash decisions. enthusiasm and self assuredness are wonderful, so long as they aren't separated from wisdom and caution.
a person who is passionate, a take-charge person who moves quickly with confidence and certainty on behalf of loved ones or loved causes. fearless, loyal, charismatic, self assured, adventurous, restless.
your spiritual unfoldment is occurring at all times whether or not you are aware of it. its inevitable as long as you put your trust in the hands of the creator, the one who holds the light. like the lotus, your soul is always reaching for the light to fulfill it's karmic destiny, but even in that process there are periods of darkness and times to rest. it is a natural cycle, one that cannot truly be coerced or halted. it has an innate rhythm of its own, one that is unique to the being that is you.
you do not need to strive or be driven by spiritual ambition. it does no good to try to force growth upon yourself- or others, for that matter. allowing is the key here. allow the place in you that naturally wants to follow the light to do so while recognizing that even when you have complete faith, you will face challenges and occasionally suffering. your steady faith and love will guide you on your journey of returning to the light.
(i have no book on this deck, and no information, even the name. google was my friend.
i found information and a message from this deck and card here)
when storm whirls through your cards you are being blessed with a time of great change and growth. the growth that storm brings is rarely easy. ego based beliefs and ideas may be shattered. old beliefs that were held dear may become empty of meaning. but this difficult cleansing of obsolete energies is crucial to gaining new levels of deeper understanding and growth.
storm is calling you to stretch out your arms to the sky and invoke the powers of lightning, rain, wind and earth. in doing so, you will begin your initiation into the deeper mysteries of your life.
i then had to choose two of the same decks for november and december.
november- i pulled from wisdom of the oracle deck again
the feminine principle of receptivity. letting someone else make the first move. gathering information and taking cues. the art of conscious allowing.
this is a time of calculated receptivity as you gracefully await what is coming to you, ready to accept it when it appears. yin doesn't involve frozen dreams or resting, but rather consciously allowing things to flow to you, poised to receive the bounty that will be made available to you. it implies sensitivity as you alertly study the actions of others and contemplate how they will affect you and yours. remember you must make space for miracles to appear. be the 'shaped' not the 'shaper', and you'll see how quickly your dreams manifest.
december- i pulled from earth magic again
winter solstice- reflection
review the past year and ask yourself what the most important lessons you have had to learn are, what you have accomplished, and what dreams and visions you want to manifest in the coming year. whether it has been a relatively smooth ride or a challenging series of events, acknowledge your experience as being the work of Source, no matter what your judgments, fears, or joys are. honor whatever has happened over previous several months with gratitude and forgiveness. then let it go. allow yourself some solitude so you can spend some quiet, slow time in reflection.
once you feel complete, reflect on your present life, especially focusing on what you are grateful for. when you are finished, consider what is to come- all the different possibilities and potential that exist before you. allow your imagination to roam without limitation or ambition and see what shows up. notice how you feel in your body with whatever scenario plays out in your mind. these are previews of that which is gestating, and can manifest and grow when cared for properly. patience and stillness is called for here, for just as the earth cycles have their own pace, so does this cycle.
so, there it is- my year in full view. i find it rather interesting, the cycles seem to be in tune with how i usually am feeling, and winter for the month of december, going inward and reflecting. for july i pulled number 14 which is a symbolic number for winter-orion and his death, and the card is for emotional stability and sobriety as well as healing. july will bring winters 20th anniversary on the other side, and i'm going to need assistance with it all. all in all i see lots of growth coming up, personally, spiritually, and in my art. i post this here in order to come back and reflect each month or in years to come.
i mentioned last time that i received a gigantic canvas for christmas this year. the day after christmas i had to bail from a family gathering due to depression and anxiety and felt like the worst person on the planet for doing so. the next day i started sketching what i hope to be a healing work for me.
she is incredibly sad and vulnerable but her light still has a glow to it. she does not want the guilt and responsibility of 'living because others need her'. she needs to find her own joy in living again. she's tentative and protective of her flame, scared it will be snuffed out. she needs to keep herself and her little light safe but knows your own light, and the light of the world, shines brighter if you share your flame with others.
on new years day our kids and grands came to play games instead of our annual movie marathon. i just could not come up with movies i wanted to watch. it needed to be lighthearted, thats all i knew. in the end, i just decided on a game day.
here 'we' are playing our new game "labyrinth".
i ended up just watching the game play that day
my yearly january ritual of pulling a card for every month proved interesting and gave me some hope. i need 2 more decks to bring my total to 12, one for each month!
i will read each months card reading on the first of each month for insight
i'm waiting for a shipment of some paint to be delivered to me, cause i don't have enough of the right colors to cover this whole canvas. trying to be patient, here. i had an idea about collage-ing the whole background full of this girls 'story' before painting the background, but i put a few pieces down and decided to collage only the orb she carries and just a few odd papers here and there on the background.
as i collaged the papers in the orb, parts of it became sort of a conversation between winter-orion and myself... my grief speaking and winter speaking to my grief. it was pretty cool and felt good.
this is the soul, the part of you that makes you, you.
your memories and thoughts, the important parts of life
now i am thinking about how it will all play out, how i want it to be, how i can try to get the effects i would like to see, tossing things out there in my head and hoping it comes out ok in the end. it's all an experiment. the work of painting sometimes happens well before paint even enters the studio.
speaking of the studio... it is wicked cold here in massachusetts and set to be even colder this weekend, wind-chills said to get down to -35 degrees F. i've been turning on the heater down there in order to piddle around, and one night forgot to turn it off until the next evening. when i went to turn it off, it hadn't gotten above 44 degrees! i won't be painting down there anytime soon. right now i'm set up in our sitting room, and plan on just being as tidy as i can with the drips.