not much art lately, what I've been up to, and freebies I've found

hi there.  just touching base.

I've been in a stall with my art since last I've posted.  what I've posted is what I've created with paint.  last entry in early September with a background and sketch of grandma and me for a class that I never finished, and some sketches hoping for a comeback of some creating.  not so good.  not so good.



I had been very busy organizing my sweeties 50th birthday bash that I held on November 3rd (a full month and a half before his actual birthday, hehehe).  that took a ton of creative, mental and physical energy out of me!  I was working on this 2-fold event for him for 5 months, and keeping something this huge from him was wearing me down.  I tell him everything, and the stress and worry with no outlet and not getting comfort from my rock was a bit more than I could take.  I was SO ready for it to be over and done with, but was getting pretty creative with finding lies at the drop of a hat.

the first surprise that got sweetie out of the house that morning so I could get the hall ready was one of our kids faking a car issue an hour away that needed his "help".  in actuality it was the bunch of them getting together to play laser tag.

here are some photos of things I worked on to decorate the hall (I deleted my photos of works in progress, concerned he might find them);

50 years of memories collage.  I cut out the numbers out of foam board and collaged the photos onto them, hot glued thin wood strips to the back of the collages to stabilize them, covered a plywood board in white fabric and stuck on the sticker letters to say 'years of memories'.  my sister in law attached the collage to the board for me at the venue while I worked on getting the rest of the details delegated and finished what I could.

I had many old photos of him over his many, many years, so made two more collages on foam boards.  one of them wasn't photographed.

I had 50 quartz crystals for party favors

a dr. Seuss book as a guest book

candy, quotes and photo centerpieces

"nothing better than an old nerd"

other candy/quotes;

- skittles; "marks 40's skittles away"

-chocorocks; "50 rocks!"

- smarties; "mr. smarty is 50"

- fun sized halloween candy; "marks humor is fun sized in a big way"

- jellybeans; "mark is full of beans"

- starburst; "happy 50th burst-day"

- hersheys kisses; "mark kisses his 40's goodbye"

- peanut m&ms; "celebrate the nutty guy"

- milk duds; "this dude is no dud"

we had a dessert table with cupcakes and a sundae bar which was a huge hit with about 30 toppings to choose from

and a "pin the 'stache on mark" game

everyone had a great time!  sweetie was surprised twice in one day and will never trust me again.  the only bummer was I was so stressed and swamped with too much to do and not enough time that I didn't eat from 5 am until 5 pm and by then I was in the middle of a hypoglycemic crash and didn't realize it.  I went to the car to rest, as my head was pounding and felt nauseas, and thats when I realized it was going to end badly if I didn't get back inside and find some protein.  I nibbled on a meatball and was able to enjoy a bit of the rest of the evening.  we had a lot of help cleaning up, thank goodness, and then the kids all came back to chat about the laser tag event and how we 'got him good'.  and I learned my lesson to never plan something that big as a surprise and by myself!  and to eat, no matter how stressed for time I am!

shortly after this event I was planning for a small working vacation for hubby that he was bringing me along on, just to get me out of the house.  he had a 3 day class to go to in Austin texas, and decided to drive there with me and Lucy pup, as he knew with the christmas season upon me I would not be good with him away.  I started my list making for the 30 hour drive with pup in the car, and it all went without any issues (except for boredom and travel weariness from driving 12+ hours each of the 2 days there and back).  our pup, who hates the car, was a trooper!  she had anxiety meds in her, and needed them (we tried without), but was still 'with us' and conscious thru the drive.  she amazed us with how well behaved she was!

pit stop somewhere on the drive home

we left for Austin from Massachusetts Saturday December 1st, at 3am and travelled two days, stopping only to gas up, pee breaks, and over night sleep.  we had Monday 'off' (sweetie was still on call, though) to rest and get food for me for the few days at the hotel.  we found a cool 'island' that day that is an off leash dog area, and Lucy enjoyed herself through allergy issues and anxiety meds.  

Jerrys artarama was on the other side of the highway from the hotel, but I was too tired the one time we had free for me to explore it (alone, with mark in the van with Lucy.  traveling with a dog is HARD!)

sweetie had class Tuesday-thursday, and pup and I rested at the hotel.  it's a big city and I dont drive in our small town, so was fine staying and recovering, even though it felt strange being in Austin and not doing any sightseeing!  we were up at 3am leaving for home on Friday, December 7th.  the ride home was just exhausting, we were all ready to just be home already!

and, now we're home and it's cold.  I'm itching to do some art but it's way too cold in the studio, even if I were to have the heat going.  I'm also in the christmas depression, even while anticipating my son from California and his family visiting for the holidays.  I'm trying to decorate the halls with boughs of holly and all that jazz, but I'm sad and anxious and cold.  

so, in the spirit of wanting to art, and in between my lets face it 2018 class and 2019 class (which begins January 7th!) I've been watching some free art videos.  

- Katrina koltes has several free tutorials on her site

- shel c does paper collage on youtube, I like this one of a pup

- anything by flora bowley

- Michelle kral has this intuitive mixed media piece I love
- Betty krause has many mixed media videos on youtube

hopefully I'll be able to get back to painting/drawing soon.  I bet I'll be bringing my mess upstairs to the main house shortly after the holidays.  if not, it could be a very long spell without any creativity for me!

in a much warmer texas

until later,

Jenny

checking in

I've not been active with the artwork lately.  just taking a little breather and dealing with a poor Lucy pup who went in for a teeth cleaning and came out ten teeth lighter!  we were all surprised that it needed to happen.  the vet saw one questionable tooth on examination, but when she went to work they were loose and needed to come out.

 her last 'toofie' photo

a bit numb, with no teeth to hold the tongue in

poor little girl

she was miserable that first day, as anyone would be, crying for 5 hours straight with no nap.  if she's anything like me, the pain meds made her dizzy when she closed her eyes.  every time she closed her eyes, she popped them open real quick.  she was also pretty mad at me and lay on the other side of the couch from me most of the time.  when sweetie got home, she was right at his side, soaking in his attention and actually cried tears, telling daddy all about how mean mommy was.  it's been 3 days and she's feeling much better, eating and active, even though I want her to go easy.  I'm also on the loved list again, which helps my mental state.  she has a follow up next week, and I know she will be relieved to be going home with nothing too horrible done to her!

on Saturdays this month sweetie and I have been checking in with my paintings at the library, to say hi to them and to check to see if I need to bring in more bios or business cards.  it's been nice to read the lovely comments in my guest book!

thanks for the comments!

we should be taking down my art on Tuesday this week, so if you want to see them in person, better get a move on!

hubby added a 24 pack of 3"x3" canvasses to an amazon order the other day as a surprise for me, and I've decided to challenge myself to paint them all in the month of march.

they're little, so I think I can do it!

I'll be checking in here and there as the month and challenge goes on.

until later,

Jenny 

alone and unsupervised

hubby left early this morning for an overnight business trip.  he will be back tomorrow evening/night.  that means i will be alone tonight with just me and the critters.

so, what will i do with my time with no adult supervision?  the fact that i've been looking at the clock just about every hour today and am already tired at 5 pm makes me think i will be putting myself to bed at a staggeringly early hour, even for me.

when mark is home i used to try to force myself to stay up until 9pm, but that ship has sailed many months ago and now i struggle to stay up until 8.  i don't think it's the coming autumn, with the sun setting earlier, because i think it started in the summer months.  yes, i remember going to bed when the sun was still bright, and i was reminded of my childhood when i would complain to my parents when they told me it was bedtime and the sun was still out.  didn't i know how wonderful sleep is?  why are children so stupid about sleep?  it is a wonderful invention!

i think i screwed myself by getting so much done yesterday.  i woke so sore and exhausted this morning.  my shins hurt, my ears hurt, my toes hurt.  these are not the normal areas of pain for me, and all signs that the fibromyalgia would win today.  but, i forced myself to slow walk the pup around the lake.  she is a great friend these days while walking!  i never would have thought that the pup that pulled so hard i could not walk her without pain now walks with the leash on the ground, and waits for me if she gets too far ahead.  she stops, and looks back with her paw raised, just waiting for her mama.  today there was lots of waiting involved, and she was content to do so.

she's slowly learning to enjoy the water!

when the fibro is bad i have issues with concentration, so reading is difficult and i rely on 'the stupid box' way too much.  our remote control to our tv and various systems has been running out of battery juice the last few days, and i had been eeking out the last of it.  of course it ran out of juice today, and of course we don't have any replacements in the house.  so, i've been keeping the tv on the roku system instead of going back and forth between cable tv and netflix.  i can use the roku remote and turn on and off the tv the old fashioned way.

i've also been snacking too much the last few days, which is annoying when i'm trying to eat better and take gentle care of myself.  old habits and all.  i had my 'dinner' at 4 this afternoon.  damn, i'm sounding REALLY old!

so, this is what this wild and crazy chick does with her unsupervised time without hubby.  i think i'd have more of a social life in an old folks home!  i just have to remember that this was a time of self care after a busy day yesterday, and i'm dealing with some chronic issues.  days won't always look like this, and there is no reason to be embarrassed about resting and going to bed at toddler times.  as long as i have my security pup, i'll be set!

until later,
jenny

day 4- stress

"Today’s Nudge: What really stresses you out, and how to do take care of yourself when you’re in the midst of *waves at all that*."

well, effy has done it again with another question that needs some serious thought.  because i'm one that is stressed by nearly everything under the sun.  i think i take after my beautiful grandmother with the anxiety, but she was a strong woman too, and traveled extensively after her husband died.

i think the thing that really stresses me out is uncertainty.  i like lists.  i like knowing whats going to happen and when.  i like knowing if a person is going to be friendly or crappy to me.  i like rules (though, oddly, i hate following them).  i'm a passionate person who usually keeps that passion under wraps to not raise a ruckus or make people look at me.  and that inward facing passion may be a big downfall for me and cause of a lot of my anxiety.

my husband, on the other hand, is one of the most laid back people i know.  he keeps me on balance when life is turned around for me, which it often is.  he says 'oh well' to things that would send me wild with fury on the inside.  he can get me laughing as no one else can.  

when my life comes crashing around me i will either call or text my man, then i will snuggle in with my pup and a good netflix comedy binge.  i will hibernate and hide from life until all seems better, usually a good week or two though.  

yep, these two goofballs really help me to see the good in life again, and i'm so grateful to have them in my life.

this is a month long blog challenge created by my dear artist friend, effy wild.  i am using her prompts, but will state if a topic is my own.  i hope this will get me writing about what makes me tick and better my life while getting things out in the open and off my chest.

until later,

jenny

blog along- day 1; "whats up, buttercup?"

today is day one of the blog everyday in september challenge posted by effy wild.  she's going to provide us with some writing nudges if we need some help getting started.  i'm SO thankful that effy is doing this this month, so i can get things off my mind and then maybe start thinking of other ways to cope.

the first nudge from effy is to jump in where you are.  whats new, whats going on.


well, i'm going thru some- a lot- of anxiety these days.  some daily anxiety is not uncommon for me, but lately it has been getting in the way of sleep and giving me heart palpitations.

i had a scary incident happen to me on august 24th.  i am new to taking daily walks with my pup.  i started the practice on the july 4th weekend, so this is still pretty new to me.  while walking with lucy pup the other day, a man stopped me and asked me if i wanted to "take a ride".  sure, mister, here i am walking my dog at nine o'clock in the morning, but i really would like to be propositioned by you.  it really freaked me out and triggered some long buried childhood stuff.  i hurried home with lucy, thinking he was following me and now knows where i live.

i've told people and they have varying thoughts about what i should have done, or what they would do in that situation.  what did i actually do?  i asked him to repeat himself, as i honestly was confused by his words.  and he repeated it exactly the same way.  "wanna take a ride?".  and i replied "no thank you".

"no, thank you"???  who says no thank you to a scary guy propositioning you?!

ok, my brain was thinking he MUST just not know how his words sounded.  he couldn't be that creepy.  it's all in my head.  and, if i did something like tell him to go to hell, then i'm the rude one when all he was doing was trying to be nice to me, offering me a ride.  i can't rock the boat.  i can't make a stink.

hubby mark, when he heard of what was actually said, agreed it sounded creepy, and i did exactly the right thing.  that it could have escalated the situation and made it bad for me.  we don't know if he had a gun (probably not) or wanted a struggle or what was going on in his head.  me being polite but firm and walking away was perfect in that situation, and the creep accepted it and moved on.

the next day i started our walk earlier in the morning, hoping to avoid creeps, and ended up getting 'stuck' down by the lake.  it was so foggy that i couldn't see around the lake to make sure i was safe, and i didn't feel safe going back up the road where the incident happened, so i ended up sitting on the concrete steps that go up to a small baseball field to wait for someone i knew to come along.  i waited maybe 10 long minutes, getting more and more freaked out by the situation.

me, freaking out 

and lucy looking beautiful

since then it seems i've been more anxious and worried about people in general.  i'm still walking because it's good for my lucy girl but it's been a struggle getting out of the house with the pup.  i've struggled with some agoraphobia in the past, being afraid to go outside even to my own yard, knowing the neighbors were 'looking at me', and i fear i'm getting close to that place again.  it's a scary place.  a place of paranoia, when i want to live in a place of trust.  but, i'm noticing that i'm trusting my gut more since then, which is a good thing.

we're now having guys coming to give us estimates on some work we need done to the house and i have to deal with it myself, as hubby works long hours.  i don't wanna!  i wasn't too keen to do these things before the creepy guy stopped me, and the feeling is so much more extreme now.  

i'm locking the doors now when i'm home, which is a good idea but something i never did before, and letting lucy bark ferociously when she wants to, when before i wanted her to be polite when people walk in our neighborhood.  just yesterday a young man knocked on our front door and i army crawled out of the living room to get to an area where i would not be seen, letting lucy do her bit to scare off any would-be attacker or 'make nervous-er'.  i'm sure i was quite the sight, and mark would be oh, SO proud to call me his wife at that moment.

i'm also doing a lot of getting ready for my art show at our library in february, which will be here in a blink of an eye, and i'm getting tummy issues because of anxiety from that.  

so, basically i'm just a big ball of freak-out.

add to that the september blues that start my long bout of seasonal affective disorder, and i'm not very fun to be around right now.  at least, thats what my brain tells me.  but, the "dog friends" (owners of said dogs that walk in the mornings, not the dogs themselves) seem to enjoy my company.   

it all reminds me that the inner goings on of people are usually much different than what they portray.  and why i always try to be nice to others.  you never know what they are going thru.

good acting and some liquid courage

gets me thru necessary functions 

until later,

jenny

plugging away

i've pretty much fallen off of facebook, which isn't a bad thing for my mental health these days, but i'm still plugging away at this thing called life.  some days i have better luck than others with the getting off of the couch routine, but lately i've done some colorful work.

the state of my studio these days;

a complete wreck

but being used!

and what i've been working on the last few days;

a personal project is this mini journal, 

(follow effy wilds minimoleydaily on youtube) 

each quick page with a quote to inspire me.

page in progress

life book 2017

class with wendy brightbill

and current weeks class is a 'dream board' with tam laporte.  a couple progress shots;

my first ever image transfer went well.

painting and adjusting my features

after layers of 'stuff', including some text

from my daddys' poetry book.

sacred stuff, indeed.

i have big ideas for this dream board, have imagery and phrases i want to include further down the line.  this is where the magic happens, and we can't rush the magic.

in other news, little lucy chihuahua pup is doing a good job with making sure i know i'm loved.  i can tell she is adjusting to being an only pup after pitas death 4 weeks ago.  she was always a lap dog, staying warm top priority of hers, but now she is starting to come see where i am if i have wandered from her side.  pita was always the shadow, and he did a fabulous job of it, but i'm pretty sure she will be taking up that role very soon.  we bought her a new bed to go by the heater down in the studio, and while she doesn't love being down there, she is content to lay in it as long as she is with me.  i'm so happy she is in my life, for i would be lost right now if it wasn't for her warm body, her soft little head, and her silly antics.

until later,

jenny

breathing as self care

it's been 10 days since pita went Home.

it's been difficult to live during these first terrible days.  i had to pay the remaining vet bill the next day, going thru that door so soon after going home without my fur-child.  and they called me the day before his 16th birthday to let me know his ashes were back.  i was so raw after that call that i knew i could not go that evening, especially by myself, so i made mental arrangements to go the next day, realizing then that i would be picking him up on his birthday.  my vets office, all the staff, they are wonderful.  after being their clients all these years, they know me by sight as well as name (except for the newbies).  both times i went to do business i was met at the chair i sat on, waiting my turn.  i was not allowed to wait in agony.  they came to me quickly and with the needed items in hand to do 'business' quickly, give me a hug, sincere condolences and a sweet word about my boy, and i was able to leave quickly, crying in private in the car before pulling out of the drive.

he now rests close to his favorite spot on the couch, 

and this was his spot to watch out the window

pitas box is beautiful, and i also received a paw print, which is nice to hold and rub the sweet indentations of his little toes.  the vets office also always sends a card which everyone signs.  the words of comfort and memories of my sweet boy they used shows again how loved he was.   my vet tech friend wrote such nice words, knowing pitas whole story and how very much he was loved and how big a hole i have in my heart.

i've had a sick grieving tummy since the day i knew the inevitable.  my tummy is stupid with emotions.  'hey, you're excited about christmas, lets make you uncomfortable for two weeks before".  "hey, i know you're angry at so-and-so, won't it be fun to have a tummy ache as well?"  so, of course i have a tummy ache when my support puppy goes to join my son.  why wouldn't i?  hopefully it goes soon.

i've been sleeping a lot.  like a LOT.  naps are my friend these days, yet i still have to coax my body to stay up at least until 7 or 8.  i'm old so my bedtime is normally 9, but not these days.

i'm glad i signed up for 4 big classes this year, but for right now i'm just downloading and trying to keep up with notes.  yesterday i did start in on my facing forward lesson i was half way finished with in september (?).  and i did a *very* quick journal spread yesterday.  it was a win to just go to the studio!

photo makes it look sadder than it does in person.  

there is fun texture there

my other dog, lucy, had some adjustments to make, and is doing well.  she has started looking for me which she never did before.  she seems more attentive and needs more attention from me as well. i know she misses the doggy play time, because she's starting to be more outgoing with the cat instead of wanting to chew him up and spit him out.

my time on Facebook has been different.  it just doesn't do it for me.  i've started to 'like' posts here and there, but i'm not as outgoing as i used to be, and while i go to check on friends and my art people, i don't stay as long as i used to.  nothing is holding my interest and thats par for the course.  i've been reading when i can concentrate which is good to take my mind off life for a while.  keeps the brain oiled up.

mark has been the hero, as usual.  doing his hero things that he does so well.  he's a good doobie, and i think i'll keep him.

it's an adjustment, all around.  and i'm letting myself do what i need as self care.  day 1, i was pacing the house, cleaning up everything, not knowing what to do next.  the next few days i was glad lucy has a good bladder.  i'm starting to do a bit more around the house here and there. i'm just going with the current of grief.  if all i can do is breathe, then thats better than not-- or so i've been told.

until later,

jenny

a little reminder to myself

i will not compare where i am now in my artistic journey 

to where others are in theirs. 

i will not watch tutorials on techniques

 and then declare my previous work to be crap. 

i will be kind to myself, always, 

and know that self taught learning is difficult at times.

 it will be ok.

i posted this on Facebook after researching underwater paintings and finding a tutorial that i admired. it's an important message, and i felt the need to keep it safe in my blog so i can find it again and again, and again forever.

lucy pup approves of this message.  

or not.  

until later,

jenny

kitty is in the house

introducing, pixel gabrenas!

this is one awesome kitty.  he adores people and loves on them with kitty kisses, lots of purrs and plenty of drool, which i find endearing.  i'm strange.  

nobody can agree on how old pixel might be.  we do mostly agree that he is under a year.  how far under is the question.  the vet thought he might be around 6 months old, but he is big and tall, so the animal control officer puts it between 8 and 10 months.  this won't matter in a year or so, but right now it's only a little confusing.  we decided on the paperwork to put down 10 months, and then counted wrong, so on our official documentation he's a year and 2 months.  whoops.  he was neutered and microchipped before we brought him home.  i highly recommend saving a kitty from the shelter rather than getting a 'free' kitty from someone who thought kittens are cute.  this guy is still young, but i already know his personality!

however old he is, he is adored!  today is day three of his habitation with us, and he has mostly been locked in our upstairs bathroom which connects to the laundry room.  much bigger than the cage he had been in for 10 days, but he's pretty sick of being cooped up.  we have been giving him time to get used to our older dog, pita, who loves everyone, and that has gone very well, with pixel even attempting a few kitty kisses with pita!

yesterday we had pixel come downstairs for a longer time with our younger, cat-chasing dog, lucy. lucy was on leash and i holding chicken slices to give her tiny taste when she ignored the kitty.  it went well enough that today i let pixel out for about an hour while i was alone with the animals and with no chicken in hand.  lucy was still on leash, and i gave her lots of attention when pixel did kitty things and lucy ignored it.  there were only a couple of outbursts from lucy, of which pixel ignored.

i have to figure out how to feed pita when pixel is roaming the house.  pita is a hard one to feed, so we keep food out for him all the time and celebrate when he goes to eat of his on volition.  pixel seems ravenous all the time, and when he is downstairs finds ALL the food, wherever it may be.  this may take some thinking.

trying to find the food on the shelf.

lucy trying to sit still while watching kitty

we also have a bird that pixel seems interested in, but he has been respectful so far.  the first few nights that i decide to let him roam i will sleep on the couch to make sure he stays respectful of the bird and not let his stomach rule his brain.  not that he could catch the bird, but he could give it a lethal scare!

we are going slow and steady with these introductions, and i'm very pleased with how well it's going!  it all comes down to how great a cat pixel is, how polite pita pup is, and how willing lucy pup is to keeping mommy happy with her.  

in the meantime, we will watch as pixel finds his favorite kitty spots.

until later,

jenny

still painting, and an exciting studio update

i've been busy with a few projects since i last posted.  the first is a series of experiments on old wooden boards, just having fun.

i've also been playing with my backgrounds again.  this first one was dark and i just threw everything at it, not really worrying.

then i got worried.  but i finally sorted it all out

it wanted a poppy on it!  yay, it's not a lotus!

i dripped some india ink in the middle, but it didn't splay out like i wanted it to, only making a big puddle, so i raided my feather collection from our cockatiel and amazed myself at how delicately it painted.  i will be painting with feathers in the future!

and lastly i had this;

and i had an idea;

i wasn't happy about how bright the heart was so whitewashed it and added some white drips inside spilling down.

i like it much better now.

i may add a little message in the heart about love being worth the risk of possible heartbreak.  it needs to dry, and i need the right words.  i've seen heartbreak, and i tried again and found Mr. Perfect, despite my wounds.  he healed my pain, made me trust.  and i'm thankful for my previous wounds for bringing to where i am.  for all my wounds, i am grateful.  i am at peace now.  this painting seems a bit dark for me, and the message might be scary, but it's important to just TRY.  it might be the best thing you've done for yourself.  and, if it flops, then you have a good story to tell later.  after you've healed of course.

this got deep very quickly!

do photos of my puppies help?

pita pocket

miss lucy (aka ears)

OK, i almost forgot my exciting news!

my love ordered my flooring the other day!  it should be at the store for him to pick up this weekend or so, but he needs to put in the doggie beds first, so flooring won't start this weekend.  but IT'S COMING!!!

so, i cleaned out the studio, leaving just my easel, one little metal shelf next to it and my paints in their built in shelf.  i swept the floor, even.  it's, like, really clean!

if you look closely you can see pita coming down the stairs

those two cut outs by the floor will be where the dog beds are.  the upper cut outs will be more shelves.  i'm so flipping excited!

until later,

jenny