I've been in treatment for Lyme disease for a few months now, and mightily stalled with the creativity. but a few weeks ago I was given the urge and the motivation to create, so jumped at it for a couple of days. I found a royalty free image on unsplash.com that matched the feeling I wanted to convey and worked on it slowly, bits at a time.
the painting is a vision of a woman in a pool of water, with lotus blooms around her ("no mud, no lotus"). she's looking up, though still in the murkiness of things.
first sketching over the initial background feeling
more drippiness
getting more color in
my happy place
she's still very much a work in progress, but I'm liking how her face reflects a bit of how I'm feeling while in the midst of treating my Lyme disease. she's struggling, sad, and yet she's hopeful. she's strong but vulnerable. she's kind of all over the place, just as I am. I'm calling this "Emergence" or "Her Emergence"
since then I've stalled at creating again. these ebbs and flows are something to make peace with. to give myself the time I need, without guilt or "I should be...".
I've bought a cheap cane for when I'm wobbly and doing errands with my sweetie or on my own going to the doctors. this decision was made after going to the cardiologist and parking in the wrong parking lot. after a dizzy spell in the office I was feeling rather off kilter for the long walk out of the hospital and to my car parked in a distant spot. I was inching my way down the hall, holding onto the wall for support, when a hospital staff offered his arm to me and, not taking no for an answer, walked me to the elevator, down 2 floors and out the door to my car! while very appreciative to that gentleman, I dont want that to happen again, so a cane was bought the next weekend on our errand day. it's helped a lot and I have made it my own with washi tape, cause thats what I do.
I woke up today with notice that someone from Belgium bought one of my fox paintings, ever alert, in my redbubble store! I so appreciate my collectors, near and far!
you can find the painting here
these days I vacillate between feeling like a wrung out dish rag and feeling 'ok' or even 'good'. the other day I felt 'good' when sweetie came home and asked me how I was. I stopped him from getting too enthused by stating that my good isn't the same as it used to be. its got a whole other definition these days. but he told me that he will take whatever my 'good' is at the time. it's a hell of a lot better than 'bad', or 'meh' or a kind of pain that steals my voice altogether.
this morning I had some energy and motivation and a list a mile long of things I'd like to get started with; the house needs attention. as happens with chronic illness, it's seen more love in the past; I was given by my mother some new-to-me baby photos of my oldest boy, winter-orion, and need to scan them and upload them to his facebook memorial page; I see the holidays approaching and wish to clear out my upstairs catch-all room to bring my easel and paint stuff up there, as I've found it is not healthy in my studio these days. we need space in the house for family gatherings; I also wish to continue with my painting I'm working on. of, course I've used up all my extra momentum with this blog post, so I may be done for the day after hitting 'publish'.
current mood
until later,
Jenny
