slight progress

I have not done any creative work for about 4 months now, but I can feel some lifting in the creative mood at times!  a couple of days ago I found myself on unsplash.com looking at copyright free images to hopefully bring the muse out from hiding.  that was the moment it seemed I might be trying to feel the urge to create.  it was a little step, but for me it made me tear up.

I've been dreading picking up the pencil and paintbrush again.  thinking that I might have lost the talent I have acquired in the last few years.  that I would have to struggle to gain any ground again.  I became more depressed thinking that I might not get it back.  it might have been a fluke that I had been able to paint something that resembled what I was going for.  I had been circling the drain for too long, and I couldn't find my way out of danger.

going online to even look at reference photos was a minute of celebration for my creative urges!  I couldn't say I was back, but I was tip-toeing my way there.

and, today, the urge struck!  I got out my journal and pencil and sketched out 'the afghan girl', which is a favorite subject of mine.  this was a quick, loose sketch, with my hand at the end of the pencil to make it even more loose.  my sweetie even noticed the new pencil hold.  and it worked!  it was a fun way to put feeling into the paper.

it's not perfect.  thats not what I was after.  I needed to play with it, to not care about the outcome but to feel the creative juices flowing in me again.  to see where I stood.

did I lose anything while in my artistic deep freeze?  I lost 4 months of flow.  I lost some self esteem in the moment.  but talent?  no, I didn't lose my talent.  it's still there.  I dont have to worry.

I might not get out the brushes and canvas tomorrow, but I am yet another step toward that jumping in point.  I put my toe in, and it felt good!

we'll see how this season goes.  September is when I normally go downhill, only to come back up when spring lengthens the daylight again.  this year, what is usually a short depression in June/July turned into this huge dark scary storm.  I'm hoping that this years SAD depression will be slight, but I'm still roughing it.  it's still scary at times.  the depression and anxiety get to be this living breathing being that sits beside me on the couch with my pup.

today I beat it!

( this post is not perfect, either.  I'm being loose with my writing, too, I guess.  I'm getting it out of my head, and thats good, so I'll leave it be.  'done, not perfect'.)

until later,
Jenny

sketching and dreaming

i have so many ideas in my head lately and a list of paintings i want to accomplish soon.  of course i have two commissions that need to happen, but these are for my down times.  this weekend i will be picking up an appropriate size canvas for one of my commissions then i will be working both at once.  exciting times!

i'm getting more 'likes' on the paintings that are up for sale in my society6 shop, and those are important!  mark and i have been going to the "new art" page and have never seen my artwork posted.  it seems your art needs a certain amount of likes or "promoters" in order for them to be put up on the front pages for all to see.  it doesn't matter how many artworks i have in my shop, or how many items i have sold, it matters if those artworks have been noticed and promoted by others.  i have put a call to my Facebook friends, and i ask you to check out my work and if you have an account to 'like' the art that speaks to you.  and, maybe make an account if you don't have one and do the same if called to do so.  it would mean so much to me to be seen on those 'new art' pages!  it's so easy to get lost in all the art out there and this would be a huge stepping stone, especially since it's my only platform to sell my art currently.  one of these days i'll try to step out and try my hand at an art show, but until i get the merchandise to sell, (which is another story altogether, and i have ideas!) this is it.

i'm still working away at some long lost art that called me back, and i have put the final touches on a couple of big pieces, and a mini canvas.  those minis are calling to me again!

my moon goddess received a little tending 

and will be up in the store soon

and my newest mini

"dreaming of a starry night"

and i have ideas about a frida canvas and an "afghan girl" canvas, which i sketched out quickly this morning.  she will need some tweaking here and there, but it's a good start;

until later,

jenny