whats next (AKA buried treasure)

as I worked on organizing my art studio yesterday I came across more works in progress I'd like to concentrate on after them waiting patiently for a year or two.

some of the works are just interesting backgrounds, but three are dear to my heart and I'd love to get them on the wall instead of being thought of as cluttering the studio.

a soon to be rendition of my childhood homestead

from a photo of my daddy as a child with my grandmother

a sketch from a very cropped, very fuzzy 

but cherished photo of my grandmother and me at the beach.

hopefully I can do the memory some justice!

then I have my newest from my free reference site that I'll be working on;

and thats a look into my painting future!  it's now September and I have lots of personal house-type things I have planned before Christmas rolls around, some of which involves bringing my painting area back down to my studio instead of where the Christmas tree will be in the heart of the home.  I might be kind of cutting the expectations close- especially since I'm dealing with more health concerns which may or may not involve knee surgery.  I figure I have a selection of paintings to choose from if I get overwhelmed with the other life-stuff and the muse comes calling.

until later, 

Jenny

feels like forever

it's been a while since I've been attempting any artwork.  the holiday crazies were here- that could possibly be referring to my son and grandtwins from California, as well as the gift buying and wrapping that goes with the season.  I was also furiously resting my weakened body, delegating tasks, and letting go of a lot of my own expectations of the holiday.

seeing the grandtwins helped the mood!

I continue to be pretty exhausted and am looking forward to a lyme appointment in a couple of weeks.  hoping to get me back on track with my treatments and my emotional stability.  the feeling of going stagnant and even going backwards is very much present with me, and it's hard to get myself off the couch to do anything.  my sweetie only wants me to be happy (and healthy), and is excited if the only thing constructive I do is art related.

I was thrilled when sweetie gifted me with two classes this year!  I started the year off thinking I wouldn't be able to do the "lets face it" year long course this year.  this course has been a main part of my looking forward to a new week in the past years, and I knew this year would be even harder to look forward to without the weekly classes lovingly brought together by kara bullock < her facebook page.  not only was I signed up for "lets face it 2020" (which has 50 weeks of lessons from 26 artists!), but I was signed up for "fluid figures" (10 classes with 14 hours of invaluable instruction!) with Emma Petitt, a wonderful artist whose flowing style I highly admire.  both these courses have lifetime access with tons of downloadable content and facebook groups for guidance with the artists.

I started doing the first of Emmas 10 classes over the weekend and then crashed.  the first class was sketching in a short time frame of 30 seconds up to 2 minutes, gesso-ing after each loose sketch.   I finished the class up today with a 2 minute painting

I've also decided to fill a small sketchbook with hands, starting with the ASL alphabet.

I even got my stumpy little thumb, hehehe

we're 3 classes in since the beginning of lets face it, and I've only been able to do an attempt at week 2 with Angela Kennedy;

I had to stop before getting to the rest of the details

I was excited to learn to get more detail into the eyes during sketches

I'm very excited to work on the fluid figures class, as I dont think I have it in me to keep painting as tightly as I was with so much detail.  I dont need to get into realism to bring my voice into the world.

slow and steady I guess.  thats about as fast as I go these days!

until later,

Jenny

thinking out loud

I finished my bears yesterday.  heres where they were;

then I got inspired by this dried up bit on my palette

heres where they ended up

"Bear Guide" and "Strength from Within"

I used the yellow I mixed up with a pallet knife and dabbed it down in just a few spots, then mixed some teal and white and carefully dragged it and dabbed it around the still wet areas.  they are so full of texture, and I love them!

I also finished this weeks Lets Face It class with Ivy Newport yesterday.  we learned 'the box technique' where you put a box directly around your subject, hitting all the outermost points, and find the shapes within the box to map out your focal point.  my attempt wasn't as successful as I had hoped it would be as we dont have toner for our printer at the moment, so my proportions were off.  I couldn't map it with my ruler...

got frustrated at the head and face, 

so jotted some notes and left it

yesterday was a really good mental health day for me. mark got home and I was bubbly and talkative and smiling. not one tiny bit of anxiety or sadness. it was a feeling I'd like to repeat as often as I can!

went to bed tired last night, as I usually do. had a hard time settling down, as I usually do. one thing was different, though. instead of anxiety, it was paint color choices that I was excited about for my next minis. subject matter is decided, reference photos found, and now color! I so wanted to skip sleep and start working!

so, today I start working on my newest minis, and varnish my bears which got scanned last night for my society6 and redbubble shops. this weekend has a lot of art business stuff happening, including adding more items to both online shops, and bringing my bears to Bates Crafters Gallery. busy, busy trying to get my name out there!

until later,
Jenny

a little inspiration in the form of an elf

sweetie took a photo of our granddaughter on christmas morning that inspired me enough that I jumped at it and pulled out one of my new gift canvasses and got to sketching;

my sweet elf inspiration

and the start of my sketch;

there is more to do before I'm totally happy with it, but that will come with paint and time.  the impish grin isn't quite yet there, and the eyes are wonky, but I'm satisfied enough that if it looks close to this when complete I'll be good.  I'm thrilled that my muse came from California this year.  THATS where she was hiding!

right now my sweetie is cleaning up all the decorations and I will be bringing up my easel and paints to work with in warmth until the spring thaw.

edit;

we've been really busy with my sons family visiting.  we took the twins and one of our boys (not their dad) to the Boston science museum yesterday...

 ...and on New Years day we will be having folks over for a game day.  tradition to have a low-key movie marathon with hubby and myself on New Years day came out of my depression because we didn't have our kids around.  they then started coming to watch the movies with us.  with the California crew coming, though, it seemed wrong to be watching a screen all day instead of visiting.  since we always gift the whole family a game or two for christmas we decided to do a game day with them last year when they were over.  it will be tradition to do so when the out-of-towners are here, with a movie marathon if they are not in town that year.  a good compromise.

as soon as things settle down and my class starts up I know I will be getting my creative juices flowing again.  I just needed a little elf (and some great kids all giving me a push with canvasses under the tree) to get up and going again.

until later,

Jenny

slight progress

I have not done any creative work for about 4 months now, but I can feel some lifting in the creative mood at times!  a couple of days ago I found myself on unsplash.com looking at copyright free images to hopefully bring the muse out from hiding.  that was the moment it seemed I might be trying to feel the urge to create.  it was a little step, but for me it made me tear up.

I've been dreading picking up the pencil and paintbrush again.  thinking that I might have lost the talent I have acquired in the last few years.  that I would have to struggle to gain any ground again.  I became more depressed thinking that I might not get it back.  it might have been a fluke that I had been able to paint something that resembled what I was going for.  I had been circling the drain for too long, and I couldn't find my way out of danger.

going online to even look at reference photos was a minute of celebration for my creative urges!  I couldn't say I was back, but I was tip-toeing my way there.

and, today, the urge struck!  I got out my journal and pencil and sketched out 'the afghan girl', which is a favorite subject of mine.  this was a quick, loose sketch, with my hand at the end of the pencil to make it even more loose.  my sweetie even noticed the new pencil hold.  and it worked!  it was a fun way to put feeling into the paper.

it's not perfect.  thats not what I was after.  I needed to play with it, to not care about the outcome but to feel the creative juices flowing in me again.  to see where I stood.

did I lose anything while in my artistic deep freeze?  I lost 4 months of flow.  I lost some self esteem in the moment.  but talent?  no, I didn't lose my talent.  it's still there.  I dont have to worry.

I might not get out the brushes and canvas tomorrow, but I am yet another step toward that jumping in point.  I put my toe in, and it felt good!

we'll see how this season goes.  September is when I normally go downhill, only to come back up when spring lengthens the daylight again.  this year, what is usually a short depression in June/July turned into this huge dark scary storm.  I'm hoping that this years SAD depression will be slight, but I'm still roughing it.  it's still scary at times.  the depression and anxiety get to be this living breathing being that sits beside me on the couch with my pup.

today I beat it!

( this post is not perfect, either.  I'm being loose with my writing, too, I guess.  I'm getting it out of my head, and thats good, so I'll leave it be.  'done, not perfect'.)

until later,
Jenny

getting out of my head

i've been taking a breather.  or, rather, trying to breathe.  as i've mentioned, it's a rough time in my head usually starting in september, so i'm in the process of going thru the motions of living.  i don't do prescription meds.  i've gone that route and they don't help me and the side effects i have make matters worse.  believe me, i wish they worked, i'd love to not feel this.  i should have a therapist, but... don't.  i've gone that route, too, and while it's nice to have someone to bounce ideas off of and have an outsiders opinion about how i self sabotage and how i can come up with better solutions, it gets costly, it gets repetitive, and i don't wanna.

during my little break from this 'daily' blog challenge, i have been taking walks with the pup, netflix binging, and varnishing a few paintings for my show, which really needed to be a priority.  i'm just about done with varnishing my completed paintings, and then priority will be on wiring them for hanging.  i think i will try to tie mark up with that task on sunday if he will sit still long enough for that.

i've been feeling like such a drain on him these last few weeks.  very needy and want-y and if i told him all the things my brain thinks and feels i fear he would go running far, far away.  he knows most of it, as i'm pretty open with my fears.  they've taken over my dreams and created a monster at times.

part of this is left overs from my previous relationship, where he would go off and do 'his thing' while i was home with the kids, barefoot and pregnant.  i have abandonment issues, serious ones.  but, i don't want to be that person anymore.  i want my man to be happy!  he works so hard and deserves his down time.

anyway, i finally got a glimpse of interest in creating when my latest class in lets face it with kara bullock came into my inbox.  this class got my muse excited again, and i went to my trusty unsplash account to find inspiration for a new painting.  i found a photo of a girl that spoke to me and that has hands and glasses like in karas class.  i had ideas for it, and incorporated other elements for some healing to come thru the painting.

the painting is to be called "focus on the light" and will have elements of light and a bird with emotional healing as its spiritual meaning.

in my sketchbook

preliminary sketch on the canvas

i'll be working on this in the next few days as i follow my muse, body and mind.  i'm glad for these classes, as usually if i'm in a dark frame of mind but the body is feeling ok, i can just watch a video and the muse will get the itch to slap some paint around.  i can watch for 10 minutes and then go into the studio and play.  unless i'm painting something very detailed that needs a brain, i can change my mood for a while.  beginning paintings is always fun.  backgrounds are great.

this painting is rare for me in that i have most of it already thought of before putting paint on canvas.  usually they evolve while painting.  guess i needed the symbolism of light at this moment.

until later,
jenny

day 3- a belief...

the prompt for today is;
write about something you used to believe that you no longer believe and how that shift in belief has changed things for you.

again, another difficult question for me.  but i think i have found something, a belief, that has shifted over the years.

i used to believe that i could not be an "artist".  that i could not make delicious paintings.  that i could not draw a face.  i believed that i could not get better.  i looked longingly at all the gorgeous art i found online, and was all "i wish..."

in the beginning of my 'wishing', in 2014;

love the quote!

i took those 'i wish' feelings and played at being an artist.  i pretended i could paint.  i pretended i could draw faces.  i pretended i knew color theory.

with that pretending came the shift in belief for me.  maybe it happens that way for everyone, as the law of attraction.

where a quick, just getting placement, sketch will end up these days.
not perfect, but good.

now that i call myself an artist, now that i have a blog and a store and a facebook page for my art, i am more confident in my abilities as an artist.  i no longer say "i can't".  i say "let's see if i can..."  and, if it doesn't work out the way i saw it in my head i know that it's a step in the right direction for me.  it's not a failure for me to try and not have it turn out perfectly the way i saw it in my head.  it's practice, it's dedication.  and it's showing me what doesn't work in order to figure out what does.

pixel kitty approves of this message

this is a month long blog challenge created by my dear artist friend, effy wild.  i am using her prompts, but will state if a topic is my own.  i hope this will get me writing about what makes me tick and better my life while getting things out in the open and off my chest.

until later,

jenny

just an update

i'm currently in my yearly july depression, and have not been too active in the studio.  i have many ideas brewing in the brain for possible upcoming paintings, and have sketched some out.  probably should do more sketching of ideas before they leave me, but you know how "should"s are perceived.  when in a depression i must do what i am guided to do for self care.  lately i've just been taking to unsplash.com to find copyright free photos of situations that evoke a heart response in me, and thats good enough.

one of my ideas was of me as a child/teen with the barn in the background.  i have no photo like this but can meld several photos together to achieve the look i want.

sketch;

and today i will finish up a tiny bit on my "seeker" painting and call it done;

i have a plan for july and that is to step into the studio each day, even just to clean.  to walk the dog each day to get her more social and to help me with my own anxieties.  to drink my water and be conscious of my food.  hopefully this will keep me baby-stepping my way thru the depression and get me on even footing.

my superman also had an idea that will help the home while helping me and get me dreaming again.  he needs to get to a hidden and broken window in our cellar in order to replace it before the cold months come again.  since he has to basically tear down the room in order to get to the window he thought he should give me more space for my studio and just demo and rebuild that room for my use as well!  

goodbye non-essential clutter!

first he is building my canvas storage area

this room is right off my studio, with the stairway in between the two rooms, so will be a second room for me, not an addition to my room.  my brain is working on it and i think i have a plan.  my current studio space will be for my painting.  just that.  my paints, easels and work table will stay in this space.  i have a third easel i will be able to use.

thru the little door will be my new space

the second room will be more passive.  i will put my rocking chair and light there, my journals and candles, my daddys old childhood desk, and all my beading supplies can be stored in more built-in shelving.  it also has a closet!

doesn't look like much now, but i have plans for days!

the window is behind that huge workbench!

where my beads and desk will go, 

and the closet area

here is the window that started this project.  

thank you, mr. window!

see the outside photo, above?  i have plans for this space as well that may or may not pan out.  what i envision is that window being a door going out of my sweet sitting area off my studio.  and out this door would be a brick patio.  i can see miss lucy in my sitting room, relaxing near me, then we open the door and into another beautiful area.  we have a little bit of fencing material we could use to give her a safe place to run...  oh do i have ideas!  the whole project will take time, and it will take money, and i'm not sure my door idea will work because there may be a cellar post in the way, but i am excited to have a project that will give me more room for my art!

this project also means i can finally go thru my craft room upstairs and figure out what to do with it all.  i had been waiting to do that because i just don't have the room for it all to be organized.  we will be able to have a guest room, finally!  all this, thanks to my sweet man and his thoughtful nature.

until later,

jenny

sketching

i've been doing some sketching for ideas lately.  some tries at frida kahlo for "freeing your inner frida", a class taught by jenn bonneteau, and brought to you by kara bullock.  frida is an inspiration to me, as i'm sure she is to many artists, with and without chronic pain issues (read her bio here).  as soon as i heard about this class, taught by an incredible artist who's style i adore, i knew i wanted in!

a raccoon and a donkey

 i enjoy the scribble quality to this little guy.  

this dude needs more work

both animals were from royalty free reference photos, located on pixabay, i believe.  i've been using the royalty free sites or my own photos as much as i can, as i never know when the urge to paint something will hit, and i don't want to step on other artists toes.  not gonna be a naughty artist, if i can help it!  

there are other royalty free sites.  https://unsplash.com is very good one i use a lot.  you can just look up "free royalty free images" or "free stock images".  i also use croquis cafe for live model sketching.  it's been a huge help to me, and i need to step up my practice with them.  they host real-time, live models, nude and clothed, who change positions during the time period given.  it's very helpful for quick sketches, and then they have a longer 5 minute pose at the end, which helps get details in.

i will be posting about my completed barn painting in a couple of weeks.  i'm finished with the painting, and waiting for a mail delivery so i can varnish it.  my brother gets first peek, but when he has it in hand, rest assured i will be showing it off!

until later,

jenny

this and that

still working on my 21emBODY challenge where we celebrate our body with a painting for 21 days.

i left you with the unfinished back from march 8th;

i've since called it done;

march 9th was bones;

this one fought me till i called quits

march 10th was hands;

march 11th was feet.  i was gone most of the day, so did a quick sketch the night before thinking i'd paint the next day.  turns out the next day was just as full, so i let myself off the hook as far as painting.

march 12th was arms;

and yesterday was eyes.  i did it today.  i don't know what i was doing, i just went with it.  turned out kind of creepy, but thats ok.  i'm thinking dots are in order.

over the weekend my brother came to me with a commission on his mind!  he wants me to paint our childhood barn for his house, and i'm happy to oblige, as it's one of my favorite subjects.  i think i will be painting versions of our barn for years to come!  some of you might remember the mini i put onto my shop a bit ago. 

that was my first go at the barn on canvas, and it was credit card sized.  this one is going to be H.U.G.E and i can't wait to get my hands painty with it!  i'm waiting for the delivery of the canvas, but in the meantime i will hunt for more photos of the barn.  it had pine trees in front, in different states of maturity thru the years.  i also want the background in this painting to be more like our little valley, and might have to paint some of our beloved critters frolicking in the pasture.

i'm also getting more involved in sketching the face in preparation for doing more portraits.  the many classes i'm taking this year are so inspiring and i'm learning so much.  i've got a way to go, but i've come so far in the 2 years that i've been seriously painting.

here is the sketch i did yesterday of my granddaughter, serenity;

and with the photo reference;

it's off, but i can live with it for a first attempt

today's another big storm day.  supposed to get hammered by the snow gods with 12-24 inches!  the man is home from work and doing his snow-blowing duties today.   i've made some banana bread and will be making some spaghetti squash casserole.  i may paint, i may sketch, i may plan, or i may just watch movies all day.  who knows what a snow-day holds!

until later,

jenny

day 29

i'm still feeling 'off', and while i didn't do much physically to the canvas today, i looked thru some magazines to audition face shapes, eyes, lips for my lady.  i even found some legs that will help me re-shape the knee and thighs

these photos will help me with shape and shading of the facial features.

i added some white acrylic with pen and let some green india ink drip down the mid-point of the painting.  i then set it on the floor to settle.

and pita helped

ONE DAY TO GO!!!

until later,

jenny