Saturday, September 2, 2017

blog along day 2- what do i really want?

this is a month long blog challenge created by my dear artist friend, effy wild.  i am using her prompts, but will state if a topic is my own.  i hope this will get me writing about what makes me tick and better my life while getting things out in the open and off my chest.

what do i really want?  this is a very big question.  would it be a big question for you?  i've been stewing over this question for most of my life, actually.

it all comes down to "what would make me happy", doesn't it?  and i don't know the answer to that.  for someone with a heap of anxiety, to want something different is to invite change, and change is a scary thing.  what if i choose the wrong thing and i'm stuck with this choice?  and now i'm over thinking this question, so i'll dive right in.  time to have fun and be greedy.

what do i really want?

i want to make art.  i want to make beautiful paintings and help people to smile and think and i want to spread love and joy and peace thru my art.

i want to make some money with my art.  without guilt.  i want to bring in enough money to cover my materials and then some more.  i want to get paid for my time and my work, because it is work.  i want to help mark by bringing in some green, so he doesn't have to worry about all the bills PLUS buying my canvasses and paint and online classes.  i want to help my sweet man and don't want to feel like we are struggling while he works so hard.

i want to move to a warmer and drier climate for my health.  i've got cold urticaria which means i'm literally allergic to cold.   i don't want to freeze my toes off half of the year, but i want to be able to visit my family who lives where we do now.  i'm already too cold in the house and started itching in a different area than normal during our walk yesterday morning when the temp was about 50 degrees.  that means it's getting worse.  i just want to be warm and be able to go for walks like 'normal' people are still doing.

i want to be able to travel the world.  or at least the united states.  why was i put on this beautiful planet if i am not allowed to see it?  i've got an itch to see the beauty that is this amazing, magical marble in space.  i want adventure and new experiences.  hubby and i now have a national park passport book that i'd like to fill with date stamps and memories with my sweet man.

i want to fit in.  i want to feel accepted and valued as i am.

i want a tribe that i can go to, in real life, that talks and listens and dances and plays and laughs and cries together.  i want these people to be my family, baking bread and loving on each others children, grandchildren, and animals as their own.

i want to be strong.  in body, spirit, and mind.  i think the art helps with this.  it is getting me out of my comfort zone, talking to people, getting me out of my bubble of safety.  i think the writing will help make my thoughts more clear, so i can figure out what i really want.

until later,


  1. You have given me inspiration. In fact, I changed my blog tag line from Student Artist to Artist because I am an artist. You really reaffirmed so much in my herart. Thank you.

    1. oh, suzy, those words mean the world to me! thank you from the bottom of my heart. i'm so glad i was able to help you admit that you are an artist! hugs to you