new beginnings, and homes for my beauties

I've got several paintings in progress at the moment.  mostly of the bee variety.  I'm interested to see how I can make them all different and still draw the eye into the scene.  but, I was captivated by a photo in unsplash (a website of royalty-free images I browse for inspiration and reference photos) and knew she needed to be a queen bee for me.  here she is in progress;

I'm hoping I can do her justice.  sweeties words keep coming to me when I have these doubts;  "I know you can figure it out, you always do".  he is the best support.

ah, doubt.  I was talking to an artist friend of mine- a REAL LIFE friend who lives nearby!- and discussing why it's sometimes so difficult for me to get to the studio.  this doubt of mine.  this anxiety, this depression.  it's always whispering in my ear.  every painting I start is a hurdle of self doubt.  should I bother sketching it?  it won't look right, anyways.  and then, when I push thru and get the sketch done I'm being told not to paint it, cause I'll just ruin it.  on good days I can tell these nasty voices where they can stick their opinions.  more often than not I have to fight the demons just to step into the studio to begin the task of finding the good stuff in the paint.  I know it's in there!  I have lots of proof!  but, finding the courage to "begin again" each day, to uncover the beauty from the mud I had made the day before, the push and pull of the paint... sometimes its just a huge battle.

speaking of proof.  some of my collectors have sent me photos of my art in their new homes.  what joyful photos!  and proof that my art is loved and needed in the world.

what a peaceful home these two elephants have found!

some busy bees helping out at orange graphix

I just need to keep plugging away, painting and ignoring the doubt when I can, resting when I need to, and reminding myself that it's the journey not the destination.  I think part of my issue comes from thinking I must get it out there immediately, then I get overwhelmed.  there is a street fair each month in a neighboring town starting next month, and my brain thinks I must crank out product and go sell, sell, sell.  I don't need to do that, or anything else I don't honestly want to do!  I don't own a brick and mortar storefront where I need to be there, and sell.  I'm just here at home doing what I love and letting things evolve naturally.  sweetie just wants me to enjoy myself.   why then do I put myself thru so much pressure?  yikes!  so, again, I'm mindfully pulling back from these big events and the commitment that goes along with them.  if I find I have enough paintings to sell and a desire to run a table (with lots of support from sweetie) then thats what I will do, but I need to stop with the thinking of "what will sell" and paint what I want, when I want.  

honestly, it will create more joyful results, and thats good for everyone!

until later,

Jenny