I'm hoping I can do her justice. sweeties words keep coming to me when I have these doubts; "I know you can figure it out, you always do". he is the best support.
ah, doubt. I was talking to an artist friend of mine- a REAL LIFE friend who lives nearby!- and discussing why it's sometimes so difficult for me to get to the studio. this doubt of mine. this anxiety, this depression. it's always whispering in my ear. every painting I start is a hurdle of self doubt. should I bother sketching it? it won't look right, anyways. and then, when I push thru and get the sketch done I'm being told not to paint it, cause I'll just ruin it. on good days I can tell these nasty voices where they can stick their opinions. more often than not I have to fight the demons just to step into the studio to begin the task of finding the good stuff in the paint. I know it's in there! I have lots of proof! but, finding the courage to "begin again" each day, to uncover the beauty from the mud I had made the day before, the push and pull of the paint... sometimes its just a huge battle.
what a peaceful home these two elephants have found!
some busy bees helping out at orange graphix
I just need to keep plugging away, painting and ignoring the doubt when I can, resting when I need to, and reminding myself that it's the journey not the destination. I think part of my issue comes from thinking I must get it out there immediately, then I get overwhelmed. there is a street fair each month in a neighboring town starting next month, and my brain thinks I must crank out product and go sell, sell, sell. I don't need to do that, or anything else I don't honestly want to do! I don't own a brick and mortar storefront where I need to be there, and sell. I'm just here at home doing what I love and letting things evolve naturally. sweetie just wants me to enjoy myself. why then do I put myself thru so much pressure? yikes! so, again, I'm mindfully pulling back from these big events and the commitment that goes along with them. if I find I have enough paintings to sell and a desire to run a table (with lots of support from sweetie) then thats what I will do, but I need to stop with the thinking of "what will sell" and paint what I want, when I want.
honestly, it will create more joyful results, and thats good for everyone!
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