Wednesday, June 17, 2015

birthing is difficult

i have so many ideas for the future of my life and art and am feeling overwhelmed by the hugeness of it all.  here is what is on my mind;

* i have about 5 works in progress at the moment, and ideas for more in my head.  i want to just get them all out, to work on them, be done, and go onto the next big project, getting my works done *in order* and have them in my handy-dandy database of completed art.

* i really would like to start a mixed media journal, even though i balk at them because paint=money

* i found this online course i would love to do, and spoke to mark about it with guilt in my heart because its a lot of money for us right now.  he agreed to spend the money on me, because it would make me happy and things are ok for us.  he is always the supportive hubby!

* i need to practice sketching in my sketch book, not canvas, not painted in a journal, but pencil drawings.

and what i keep going back to is... i must wait until my art studio is done for me to be my most creative self.  what i had been doing was thinking of the studio completion as the beginning of my art business; the selling of it.   i should be thinking of it as the beginning of my art busy-ness, the letting go and playing with color, texture and materials.

the works in progress will be finished when they call to me.  that creative spark can not be forced.  if i have other ideas that want to come i should work with them, at least in my sketch book.  if i can only put a highlight on a certain canvas one day before going to another, thats ok.

i have no space currently to really play in a mixed media journal.  i need the studio desk and all my supplies handy, as well as an easily cleanable space in order to really do this well.  i just don't feel comfortable working on my old dining room table any more.

the online course will be a great resource for me to get to know media better and to find my own voice.  it's a year long, start whenever you wish, go as slowly as you need course with lots of videos and skills to learn from, from an artist who's style i enjoy.  BUT, right now i want to spend that money on finishing my studio so i can better do the course.  the course will wait until it's a better time for me.

i figure the sketch book practice is the one thing that i can work on regularly right now, when energy and pain levels cooperate.  i can sketch on the couch with a mirror doing five minutes at a time so it doesn't have to become tiresome.  it should become a more faithful routine for me, something i should schedule time for until it gets to be something i do each day to feel complete.

i have so many ideas for the future of my life and art and am feeling overwhelmed by the hugeness of it all... and i don't need to be!  all i need to do is get thru this particular moment in time.  what needs my immediate attention *right now*?  thats what i need to focus on, and let the other ideas flow as they will, write or sketch them down and then go on to the next moment.  it's not a do-this-or-die situation here, jenny!

what i need to do is treat this time as a pregnancy.  yes, i'm excited and nervous about the impending birth of my (whatever it will be), but right now i'm nurturing it by doing these deep breathing exercises, by finding my way through a more natural flow of creativity, not forcing things right now. by waiting.  i can make plans on paper when ideas strike and create a routine that will further my success when my studio is open for daily use.  but stress is never good for any pregnancy, even a creative one.

until later,

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