feather #1 is home! and updates

we brought my painting, feather #1, to it's new home the other day.  i'm happy that its new home is also my mothers home, so i can have visitation rights whenever i wish.  it really looks peaceful in her space, and i know it's a perfect match.

i, however am going thru this emotional mud.  it's a difficult thing, slogging your way around, trying to be this adult type creature when all you want to do is sulk and cry and throw things.  my ideal life is to be this creative vixen with love bubbles in her eyes at all the stuff that life throws at me.  i would not stress about anything, as everything would be a learning point and i would easily see it as truth.  my lessons would come quickly and i would be strong in my knowing who i am!  what others thought of me would be no issue with me, and i would easily forgive all transgressions.  i would be able to discuss all sorts of things with all sorts of people, and not just be with the dog at the party.

unfortunately this is not where i am at.  those love bubbles are more like snot bubbles as i fight my way thru this insanity i call my inner voice.  she is not comfortable with life yet.  it's a struggle.

and, as i struggle thru the emotional and physical pain of the changing seasons, my creativity starts to stagnate.  which is another trial...  am i ready?  am i a *real* artist who will only get better and better because she stops at nothing to create her style, her craft?

am i letting my depression get the better of me?  well, YES, cause depression lies!  thats its job!  and my job is to fight the good fight daily, doing what i am able to do to live as happy and 'normal' a life as i can possibly live.  (and, thank goddess i have SUCH a wonderful, understanding and supportive husband who lets me cry on him, lets me lean on him, and does nothing but praise my efforts at breathing).



i am slowly working on an older canvas, trying to work out the kinks, and i am liking it much better.

before

she was worked on thru the full moon of october and has some moon water infused in the paint for the moon.  i'm enjoying her more now that she is a moon goddess with wild hair and subtle wings.

i've signed up for LifeBook with Tam Laporte and company for 2016, and am excited to get started with that.  lots of great artist teachers that i admired before learning they were guest teaching, and some i had not heard of but have gone to their sites and am loving their art.  it will be a great year of learning with these artists, and i'm hoping it will give me a spark of life, get me moving.  in preparation for this class i have decided to re-commit myself to sketching each day (or a fair number of days a week).  yesterday was my first day, and i did a self portrait.  i'm not going to share this first one, sorry.  it is recognizable as me, sure, but it's not quite right.  i'm amazed i was able to capture my eyes, nose, mouth, chin!  it gives me some motivation to get even better, knowing i'm close to *it*.  

until later,

jenny

clarity. i think i have it. for today

i posted this on my personal Facebook page, and it stirred up some commotion from my friends.

"you know what??? i need to stop comparing myself to other artists, dammit! what i do is i create art FOR MYSELF, not for anyone else, not to make anyone but ME happy. i don't care if the world doesn't need my art; *I* need my art! i paint what i want to paint, how i want to paint it. it can be messy and imprecise, but thats how i do it. when i see others work, i start going "whats the use? i can never get that good". but, the truth of it is, i CAN become that good, with practice, if i choose to put in that dedication! i choose to listen to myself, my body, my intuition. i will not listen to others voices about what might help a composition or push my mojo, or about how i should practice blah hours a day. if i don't feel it, it won't help, it will become a chore. i don't have to be the next big thing. i don't have to make art that looks like whats in style now. but, i DO have to make art when my own muse tells me the stars are right. i am good enough as i am. yep."

i had SO MANY wonderful comments!  i posted this as a reminder to me to not get lost in the art of others.  i posted it so i would stop getting lost in the muck of 'not good enough' that i create.  and i post it here so it can be viewed by me at anytime (because things get lost in all the kitty memes i post, hahaha). i'm so glad i have such a wonderful support system in place so early on in my journey toward *whatever it is i am creating*.

and what i am hearing from my wonderful tribe is my art is good.  it is jenny, it is my heart and soul.  it IS enough, not just for me, but for others as well.  and i know they are not just saying these things because they are my fabulous tribe.  "they like me, they really like me".  

i emailed my mother a few weeks ago, and happened to include a photo of the peacock feather painting.  she fell in love with it and told me that she wanted to commission a painting in the same colors.  i know me, and i told her that i cannot do commissions but she can have the painting since she loves it so much, and that i should bring it over to her house to make sure it fits where she wants it to go and that the colors really do work for the space, since she only had seen it in the photo.  i put the frame that came with the canvas on it, and brought it over, and it is amazing in her space!

this is it still in my studio, with frame on

i had to bring it back home to do some touch ups , and will bring it back to her shortly, probably this weekend.  but, the thing is, i told her she could have it, and she insists on paying me for it.  she told me to think of a price and i told her i'm not ready to think about pricing it (especially since i told her she could have it, and she's my mother, you know?).  so she said she would price it for me.  so, this will be my first painting sold!  

my sister was texting me later that day, after bringing the painting home, and she told me that our mother is very excited to have this painting in her home and that she had told my sister in a very serious voice "it's VERY good".

part of my problem is i feel that to be truly working on your passion you must live and breathe it.  and, i do, in my own way.  but, i feel i should practice more.  i feel that i should paint more.  if i were really an artist.

but thats bullshit.  

just because frida could paint while in a full body cast does not mean that i have to paint when feeling like crap, if i don't want to.  if i'm not feeling my muse, what i paint will not be from my heart.

frida is a hard role model to have, sometimes.

until later,

jenny

new in my art journal(s)

i have three main journals i am working in right now.

here is whats new in my little vintage book i showed you a little bit ago;

then i have a spiral bound mixed media paper journal that i have been working in;

 this one dedicated to my daddy

made with some papers with his handwriting 

in her dress and stockings. 

it reflects missing winter as well, 

with the five flowers still in the ground, and one in hand. 

 

Full moon goddess creates her own magic

 made on my birthday

 know that when life is looking a little ugly, it's not the end of the story. 

life is a beautiful mess that you look back on with more clarity

a little traveling in the journal

my favorite to date!  autumn child

and my third journal is for an art witch group i'm in.  i'm using a vintage scrapbook for this one, and it's very special to me;

the first prompt had us include a poem.

thats it for now.

until later,

jenny