Wednesday, February 24, 2016

stagnation

i'm feeling so lost right now as an artist, and i feel it's so strange that i have this new kitty and i don't feel the color right now.  it could be that i'm still depressed and the kitty is keeping me from feeling the full brunt of it (thank you, pixel!).  it could be that i'm waiting for spring to make it's way to new england to thaw my emotions a little.  i'm angry at myself for not being able to force the muse.  i read about how this or that or the other artist works daily on their creativity and i am not able or willing to do that.  maybe in time i will have that dedication, but not now.


is it dedication, or is it just pushing thru the bad stuff?

is it wrong to push?

i don't know.



i feel it's the season of rest for me.  even though i'm angry about the rest, about needing the rest, about my muse abandoning me, i know i must do what i feel is right for me and to not push the ebbs and flows of my art.

i know she will return to me.  she has before.

i've been watching all the videos for my Life Book classes, printing the pdf's, being inspired and taking it all in, but i haven't been faithful with actually doing all the lessons the way i want to.  i'm getting frustrated that, when i do, it hasn't come out the way i had wished.  some of that is discouraging me from putting brush to paper.  but i have been learning by watching and by seeing others' takes on the subject at hand and that's a good thing.

i am not totally put off by others artwork.  sometimes i get angry with seeing all the beauty others have made as i am friends with many artists on facebook.  and the anger is toward myself and my insecurities, not at the artist, nor is it a jealousy that others have this 'good fortune' to be successful.  i know it takes hard work- or just raw talent sometimes- to get as good as these people are.  and i'm even looking at 'primitive' art and seeing how wonderful it is and knowing that if i had painted the exact same painting that i wouldn't love it as much and wouldn't see its' beauty.  why is that???

so, this is just me coming to let myself off the hook.  letting you know i'm still alive but in a cocoon state at the moment.  i will be back, hopefully soon.

i'll leave you with my favorite view of one of my first favorite paintings, and a powerful word that i also have tattooed on my arm;



until later,
jenny

No comments:

Post a Comment