goodbye 2017!

it's been a while with me in the trenches of an over the top, major depression, and i'm slowly making my way out.  i could have a few more battles to go before i am ok, but at least i feel safe again.

for my oldest sons birthday in november, we did our annual decorating of his spot;

i forced out a few mini paintings for people this year to go on their tree;

i love how they each have their own personalities

and for my mother in law i painted her chihuahua pup;

we had a nice christmas with all the kids and our 10 year old grand twins from far away.  they were able to go sledding this year and it was a hit!

the very first gift to be opened (and then put out of the way) was an extra huge surprise from one of our adult kiddos!  that canvas is gonna take a lot of paint!  i've been looking thru the reference photos i've been collecting for such an occasion and i think i have a subject.  this will hopefully help the mood a bit.

after the houseful of people left for other parties early christmas afternoon, mark and i opened up stockings we stuffed for each other, in a new tradition i hope to continue as it was nice to have some sweet alone opening time with my main man.  

my three online art classes have ended for the year, and i'm feeling sad and lost without my weekly lessons from some of my favorite artist/teachers.  so this morning i raided my savings account to buy the class i most wanted this year, from kara bullock.  i will be taking lets face it 2018 which will be a year of lessons, focused on different art movements and masters from those periods.  kara has many other classes at different price levels.  (the other classes i want to take are lifebook 2018 with tam laporte and paint your heart and soul 2018 with olga furman.  the pocketbook will only allow one class right now).

i've downloaded and printed out "my magical 2018 yearbook" a free download by jen morris, hoping to get my head around some goals and start to make habits to help me achieve those goals.  i also just ordered a day planner from commit30.  these planners help plan each day with your future goals in mind, asking for a commitment of just 30 days per habit.  

i think (hope) with all the new art supplies i was gifted, the weekly classes to look forward to and to work with, and my goal planning help, i should be off to creating the life i want to live.

and on that note,

wishes for a safe, colorful, and prosperous 2018 to you and yours.

until later,
jenny

dream painting

i have gotten my hands painty!  this is HUGE!  i don't think i've painted since september?  something like that.

this painting will be symbolic of a dream i had the night before.  i woke knowing it was an important message from winter-orion and should be represented as a canvas so to never forget.

the following is taken directly (edited a little for clarity) from my dream journal, where i jot down the important or cryptic dreams i have and then interpret them from a book i have and from internet sites if i feel it needs more information.

"i just now (2:30pm) remembered i had a winter dream last night.  can't remember much, but it was set by his place of death, by the bridge that crosses the river and canal.  young winter (about age 7 or so) crossed the river, walking thru the shallow water, then came back toward me over the bridge and a mama bear was with him.
i wish i remembered any other details from this dream.  i woke up with it fresh in my mind and knew i must write it down, but was too tired.  i also thought that bear means protector of children and family?

from book- bear often represents mother.  can represent our ability to recreate ourselves after a period of rest and reflection.

my thoughts- winter crossed the river easily then came back to me via a bridge with a bear.  the ABILITY for me to see he is ok and can still visit.  it is a good thing for me to recreate myself after this hibernation.

from whats-your-sign.com 
bear is a consummate mother, caring for her young with observable devotion.  bear is a symbol of motherhood and child protection.  (winter is ok, he is safe)
celtic goddess artio is bear goddess who represents the transformation of seasons.  she is said to conjure winter when she needs rest.  upon waking, artio is said to summon summer."

so, i was blown away by the symbology of just one or two elements in this remembered snippet of dream.  the bridge meaning to me transitions to the other side (or back).  and the bear who is a protector, who says it's ok to rest and reinvent yourself, who conjures winter!

i know this was the important part of the dream and i'm not unhappy that i can't recall the rest of it, and i knew that having a reminder of this important communication would help me during the seasonal ebbs i have when just getting off the couch is a struggle.

so, yesterday i painted a background, and today i have sketched my mama bear

i'm hoping that this painting will remind me of bear symbolism and reestablish that my hibernation is just a season.    i need a bit of hope to tide me over till the spring crocus bloom again.

until later,
jenny

a stress reliever

i've noticed i'm pretty burnt out with painting. i start one and it doesn't go smoothly and i get stressed and lose the muse with my idea so start another one with the same result. it's the stress of expecting each painting to be presentable for the show in february. i can't paint with that expectation on me, so i've decided to let myself off the hook with painting on canvas until after i'm set up for the show! that should cover THAT anxiety. but, i've been waking in the middle of the night with show anxiety and having to go downstairs. just need to concentrate on my tasks and get myself to the finish line.

i have 17 canvasses that are ready to show.  that is, i'm not fiddling with details on them anymore and they are varnished.  of those, i think only one has wire for hanging.  we never got to that over the weekend, so i must wire 16 canvasses sooner rather than later.

i also have to make sure i know each canvas size and calculate their price point.  math and i are like oil and water, so i will do the calculations and bring them to the hubster to verify.  

honestly 17 is a reasonable amount of paintings to show.  they are of differing sizes and prices, and i'm sure they will show well as a group.   i don't need to worry about the amount of paintings, i have enough and there have been shows with less on the walls.  i also need to remember that i will have 20 of my mini canvasses there as well.  my art will be well represented.

i realize it's only october, so i have 3 months before crunch time starts, but my mental health warrants i get these tasks done as soon as possible so i know there are no loose ends to concern my head about.  that the only worries i will have are the ones i make up.  

honey told me the other night after i told him i was stressing, "you know,  only like 30 people will see your paintings. it's a small room in a small library.  more people see them when you post them to Facebook!".  he's right.  i know he's right, but there is something more personal when someone can get real close to your paintings and scrutinize them or touch them (which i hope they don't!).  i feel more vulnerable sending them out into the world like that for a whole month.  but, like myself, they must grow up and see where life takes them.



my birthday went well.  sweetie took the day off to be with me on my special day.  i woke ridiculously early and went outside as the full moon was calling.  the first sight that caught my eye when i went out the door was the constellation orion, which represents my son, winter-orion.  it was a very sweet birthday greeting from him, and i felt it to my bones!

after saying good morning to winter and grandmother moon and resisting the urge to howl (your welcome, neighbors!), i went to my spot on the couch to grab my laptop, finding a card from sweetie on the computer instead.  my smiles were great at 3:30 in the morning!

sweetie took me to get my hair cut, a very short style i am so happy with, and to spend my gift card from michaels.  i got some yummy colors from golden acrylics, some varnish and some fun washi tapes that will look nice hidden in some future paintings!  i went to sallies beauty supply and bought some pink hair color to get me smiling again, and on sunday we saw 'evil dead, the musical', which was raunchy, messy fun.

and, today i pink-ified my hair!

yes, color is my happy place!

until later,
jenny